those lies of mine

2009-01-25T20:06:00.001+08:00

MOVED.

http://releaseofmyinnerdemons.wordpress.com/

2009-01-24T00:44:00.002+08:00

FUCK!!!
so being concern over a friend always makes thing worse.
that's it man. i shall never be too concern over a friend of an opposite sex.
what the fuck is wrong with people nowadays?
cant there just be normal friendship between opposite sex?
hello. which century are u born in??
pissed off.
sometimes 好人真的没好报.

p.s: promise to have a better post in a few days time

2009-01-11T21:44:00.000+08:00

dear readers,

kiddo here blogging on behalf of janice.
people who are eargerly waiting for her updates,
please be patient.
watch this space!
she will update as long as she feels its time to update =P

cheerios,
kiddo

2008-12-19T15:26:00.002+08:00

S.T.R.E.S.S.E.D
tt word seems to be printed all over my face.
coming from a lot of sources.
need to adapt to new workplace.
need to adapt to new group of children n parents.
need to adapt to new colleagues.
juggling work n studies again.
arts and anti-bias approach is practically driving me nuts.
there isnt any xmas mood in the air.
i just know i have 2 out of 4 assignments to go.
have 2 assignments due in jan 09.
this is killer.
on top of tt one of my library source is moving in progress.
all due to the renovation. damn it!
lots of things happened.
lots to update.
promise a better update with pics another time round.
for now, i just wanna burn all the books i have at home. wahahaha.

2008-12-09T21:25:00.005+08:00

chiong-ing assignments are a craze.
not forgetting how boring it can be reading those thick books.
dry indeed but oh wells, i chose to study didnt i.
anyway, went for lots of supper these few days.
non stop eating. omg.
sunday night supper with via, ying, yushi n yih.
yesterday was supper with sw at 85.
bump into melody over there too.
and yes i did had a great day yesterday.
i finally met up with my dear love - sharolyn wu.
and i brought her home.
i know i shldnt have but it was glad i did.
she is such a joy.

she was busy taking pictures of everyone using her dad's camera

at my place. i took all the toys i could find in my room for her.

talk her thru to take a picture with my mummy

simply us =)

i never ask her to make funny face thou. like teacher, like student. haha.

presenting to you sharolyn wu's 四连拍 (with prompts given by me) ...

angry face

unglam face

sad face

kawaii look

for the love you gave.
i will return you double the amount.
thank you sweetie for the joy you gave me =)
be healthy and enjoy ur childhood.

2008-12-04T23:04:00.002+08:00

i promise a post on my job hunt.
since i m too excited to slp, i shall update here a little.
i started job hunting slowly after i left BM.
actually the 1st interview is deb who arrange for me.
her center needed ppl so i just go n try my luck.
the center is at pasir ris.
kinda far for me if i have classes on.
so rejected their offer.
got kinda happy sending resume online.
it is just one click away.
so i just happily click n click n click.
sent to shichida method, neuro tree, cherie hearts, mindchamps and so forth.

the next day my phone rang and this center at lavender called to schedule me for interview.
then shichida method called at a later timing to schedule me for interview the next day.
after putting the phone down, my poly senior called and asked whether i was looking for a job.
i got shocked and in the end she told me tt i sent my resume to her center.
this shows how small sg can get.
anyway, i went for shichida method's interview.
it lasted for 1hr plus.
i didnt expect the interview to be sooooo long.
so what did they interview me abt?
they got me to do 7 yo 8 sets of quizes.
the quizes are to test my right and left brain.
so they can calculate to be sure i suit the job.
there is a time limit for each quiz.
and the time limit is like 45sec to a min.
some of the questions found in the quiz:
- word scrambling (eg. HLDIC => Child)
- chinese word scrambling (eg. ' - - l - => 主）
- math sums

it was damn stressful while u do the quiz.
cause tt HR person just sit in front of u and stare at u.
as a typical singaporean, i also want to save some face for myself.
i die die also have to answer some questions.
when i did the word scrambling for english, my reaction was 'shit!'.
when i finished it, i was so relief.
but i have yet to find out the next paper was the chinese version.
tt was worst. totally omg.
after finishing the 7 to 8 quizes, i thought that's the end of my interview.
the HR person handed me a paper n ask me to write an essay in the next 10 mins.
i was totally stunned.
but when i looked at the question, it was pretty open ended. so not tt bad.

after finishing tt, the shichida instructor came in to interview me.
went thru my qualifications and so forth.
then she asked whether i know how to do a mind map.
i was like erm ya i know how to.
so she ask me to spend the next 3 mins to do a mind map on the topic - love.
i was like wth! do a mind map on love?
cant there be other topics instead?
so bo bian have to do cause she just keep staring at me.
so die die also have to write and crap some shit on tt white paper.
when tt is done, i thought there shldnt be anymore things for me to do le ba.
i was so darn wrong man.
she took out some flashcards and asked me to plan 20 activities tt relate to the flashcard in the next 10 mins.
i nearly fainted when i heard 20 activities.
hello. i m not a robot man.
and the things on the flashcards are nothing other than time in different forms.
what the fcuk can i teach man.
20 activities somemore.
this is the first interview tt i seriously break into cold sweat.

and yes i found a job le.
accepted the center at lavender.
near to home and school.
good location too.
near town too!!!
tt's abt it for now.
3 more assignments to go.
drowing in them le.

2008-12-02T14:17:00.002+08:00

okies.
i know i m lagging in posts right now.
too busy with job hunting and studies.
plus assignments are driving me nuts.
anyone wants to study or do assignments with me???
i think everyone are in the holiday mood expect me.
no xmas season for me and cny mood.
i m flooded with assignments.
faints and die.
will go into detail abt my job hunt in the next post.
currently i m on LEAVE!
i m not out of job yet.
i will be jobless from 9th dec onwards.
but not for long cause....
I JUST CLINCHED A JOB !!
will start work in the new center on the 22nd dec onwards.
busy busy busy.
i think i must be crazy somehow or another.
shall end off here and update more the next time round.

2008-11-10T12:55:00.002+08:00

alrites. i m blogging from workplace now.
15 more mins and have to start lesson again.
I DROVE TO WORK TODAY AGAIN!!!
*claps claps claps.
so proud of myself.
hahaha. but it better not rain later on.
work is alrite.
i m missing tt girl in germany.
she shld come to sch today if she aint in germany.
misses misses misses.
waiting patiently for her mummy's e-mail.
when will it come?

15 more days to go

2008-11-07T06:29:00.003+08:00

insomia is hitting me.
cant seem to fall asleep even thou i want to.
maybe i m just excited.
maybe i m looking forward to sending anna off to the airport.
its so different.
anna aint the first child that left me.
yet this time round i feel the impact so greatly.
i feel the pinch in the heart.
oh wells.
i can still see her tonite.
more snaps of the camera to keep more photos of her with me.

anyway let me grumble a little.
kena backstabbed at work yesterday.
total fucked up.
other than that person.
i dont think there is another one who is so bo liao than u.
stop wearing that fake mask of urs.
sooner or later the new colleagues will see thru them.
a small kind gesture of mine, yet it cant be done.
i dont want any stories of me left in tt kind of school.
i dont want to be bad mouth cause i have not done anything wrong.
i promise myself.
i will definitely find a better place than this.
buzz of cause i left less than 20 days over there.
n i m seriously glad that i left.

some random pics taken during my 'crippled' days

this shows how utterly bored i was after stay home for 3 days striaght.
not forgetting how much i enjoy munching on starbursts!!
tsk tsk. i think i look like xiao wan zi with tt hair of mine. wahhaa.

2008-11-05T19:53:00.003+08:00

was one 2 days mc - monday n tuesday.
i got really tired of staying at home n doing nthing.
so yesterday i went out!!
with a bandaged foot, i headed to ps.
met up with fio and went jalan.
slacked at HK cafe to snack here and there.
or snacking was sinful *shake heads*
fio left and i met kiddo for movie.
while waiting for kiddo, i bumped into glenda.
chit chat a little and we went separate ways.
finally, i caught the coffin.
how shld i rate it a 3.5 out of 5.
scare factor is a 8.5 out of 10.
story line is 8 out of 10.
there were parts whereby it was a little draggy.
i screamed at this part and the ppl in front of me got a shock due to my scream.
wahahaha. damn hilarious plus damn paiseh.
most of the time i was hiding behind kiddo if not covering my face with my palm.
halfway thru the movie i still have time to ask kiddo y m i paying money to scare myself.
not bad a horror flim.
makes u think a little abt life at the end of the movie thou.
at least tt's what happen to me after watching the movie.

today's anna's last day in school.
supposedly her last day is friday.
my baby love is flying back to germany.
her mum made a scrapebook for me.
i didn't expect that at all.
very touched as she made it in a way whereby she teaches me german with the inclusion of anna's pics.
a small gesture yet it made me so loved.
i'm hoping that they saw my e-mail.
i wish to send them off at the airport.
i m starting to miss her.
anna love, my love for u will not stop due to distance.
do have a great childhood ahead ya.
i love you baby!

2008-11-01T19:15:00.005+08:00

since i'm pretty free now i shall blog.
currently i m crippled with no place to go.
kinda screwed my paper up today.
just hoping the things that i crapped today was relevant enough.
*prays* oh wells.
and yup i m now walking slower than any other grandmas on the road now.
the question: what happened to me?
everyone seems to be asking.
my colleagues, my course mates when i went to sit for my paper today, ppl who saw me.
to cut the story short: i injure my right foot.
the sinseh was saying that i injure my nerve and not breaking any of my blood vessel.
tt's y my leg isnt swollen but hurting badly after the fall.
but it was hurting so badly last night tt i didnt manage to slp well.
even thou the leg was placed nicely on my bed but the pain just shot up like no ones business.
now for the long story on how i injure my foot.
the kids and all my colleagues went for a concert rehearsal at biopolis matrix yesterday.
all thanx to boss there must be a teachers item.
so all of us teachers have to dance.
and we have to wear heels to dance.
so we went on stage to practice.
the first time round nthing happened.
then boss wanted a second round cause there was this part whereby we entered the stage too slow.
so on the second attempt we have to run to our positions.
there was this cover on the stage floor whereby below it is where all the power circuits were.
there is this little circular hook whereby u can lift the cover up.
the first colleague of mine in line trip over the cover as her heels went into the hole and lifted it up a little when she ran over.
2 colleauges before me in line also tripped over the same thing.
the impact of the trip lifted the cover.
so when i ran in, i didnt see the hole due to the cover being lifted up and went directly into it.
this cause me to fall and due to the heels, i injured my right foot.
conclusion: i was just the very very unlucky one.
so right now i m limping with swollen toes.
i m suppose to enjoy myself after the exam.
this fall shows tt i need to spend more time with my bed after neglecting it for so long.
a pic of my leg:

anyway, mummy is back from aussie.
lots of nougats, sweets and chocolates.

starbursts are just absolute love!!!
these gummy sweets just brighten my gloomy days a little.
and yes i m indeed envious of my mummy's trip to aussie.
backpacking is still the best choice la.
can go to places whereby tour groups dont bring u to.
regret didnt go with them
they went for farm stay and wine yard stay.
the pics just tell me how much they enjoyed themselves one.
sheesh.
pics will be uploaded ...

taken halfway while the stop for a long drive

the scenery there is NICE!

the beauty of nature =)

emo pic of daddy sim. wahaha.

the lodge that they stay in

my cousin and nephew. see how cheeky he is.

breakfast with the most natural surroundings

not fair! i wanna pick strawberries too.

mummy sim is indeed enjoying herself

this is just so cute la.

the 5 of them who went to aussie.

new addition to the family?

2008-10-27T19:30:00.001+08:00

goodbye world.

2008-10-26T00:51:00.003+08:00

finally i found the time to update.
parents are overseas.
they went to find kangaroos somewhere out there.
and for me i have a crazy week of funs??

monday - went out with colleagues for dinner + shop for some stuffs.
tuesday - went out with colleague for dinner + develop photos for work purpose
wednesday - kiddo stayed over
thursday - went to PLAY with dell
friday - went to t.t.s.h to visit uncle
today - i m a good girl with no where to go but mug at home

friday was a good day for me.
surprisingly i was in a pretty good mood considering tt i drank quite a bit on thurs.
plus when i reach workplace was still suffering frm hangover.
clubbing was fun.
i was with great company.
plus drinks that makes me HAPPY!
lots of things happen that night.
to me they were all pretty hilarious.
guess only dell n i know *tsk tsk

i m going crazy soon.
with those thoughts flooding my mind.
they are driving me mad.
who the fuck am i?

2008-10-19T19:21:00.003+08:00

trust the simpliest thing a person shld give and can give.
i dont understand y it seems so hard for u to do so.
the reason given is ridiculous.
a reason that i cant accept.
u guys are just purely stereotyping.

sucide is not chosen.
it is the only way out when being forced upon.
the limit will be reached soon.
and death would be another adventure.

2008-10-17T07:05:00.006+08:00

shall post some stuffs that i have yet to do since god knows when.
had a quiet celebration for kiddo on her bdae.
had children's day party for the little ones in school.
went to science centre on one of the public holidays.
celebrated fio's 21st (another quiet one).
after that has been studying and more studying going on.
shall now let pictures do the talking.

archery was one of the games provided to the children.
(kinda tough cause the bow not tt good. haha.)

next was golf.
(this was tougher cause the flooring wasnt flat. the ball just keeps rolling.)

obstacle course. wasnt a problem for them at all.

he is love =)
*this pic is taken by a child.

the queue to buy the tickets to enter science centre.
(never go on a public holiday!)

i find this fascinating. kinda cool too.

it was hard to squeeze thru the tiny hole behind the wall to take this shot.
(fat le la!!)

wanted kiddo to try this.
but on second thoughts its kinda stupid to pay and feel how it is like to be electrocuted.

this machine was suppose to let us see how alike our faces were.
can see the combination of my face and kiddo's face?

i laugh like mad when i saw the percentage.
i didnt read it properly at first, thinking that the percentage is telling me how much do i look like a chimp.
so kiddo tried it too.

then i laughed louder cause kiddo's percentage the same as mine.
then i read carefully and found out its the percentage of genes in common.
chey.

the balloon that we chose for fio.
so cute right?
i still wanna complain.
the balloon cant fly properly even thou it is filled with helium.
that shop cheat my money la!

the cake frm awfully chocolate.
i requested that all the letters to be small letters.
it ended up like tt. oh wells.

the bdae girl and the cake =)

sw just didnt want to smile at the camera la.

we didnt know what to do with the candy floss.
end up playing with it. wahaha.

2008-10-15T19:00:00.002+08:00

i chop my hair AGAIN!!!
this time round, its really short.
most ppl like my new look.
but kiddo hiam my hair.
just too short for kiddo to tahan.
to kiddo, her big kid turned into an andro over the weekends.
wadever it is, i'm loving my hair!!

studying for exams can be very stressful.
dont have the time to study la!!
after work reach home damn tired le.
wanna study also hard.
i'm going to take mc on monday, who wants to accompany me to study?
my home is available thou.
parents heading to aussie this weekend.
haiz. i wanna go too.
farm stay, wine yard stay.
i also want la!!!!
if not due to having an exam coming up, i will sure go one lor.
argh. angry.

i think i m crapping a lot over here.
shall start studying le.
@!#@$#@%$#!@

2008-10-06T22:39:00.002+08:00

I NEED TO FASTER FINISH THAT 2500 WORDS ESSAY.
I NEED TO START STUDYING FOR MY PAPER.
i need to do so many things but so little time.
i want to do so many things but with a heavy heart.
where have personal time went to?
where were the days whereby i reach home frm work n slack?
sheesh.
i miss my freedom.
2010. i will celebrate with sw.
he will get out of army n i will graduate.
cant wait for tt day.

side track a little yar.
HAPPY 21st my dear bestie!
may u be filled with lots of love, laughter, happiness and good health.
i do not know how to write lengthy essays of how much u meant to me for the past 8 years.
just want to see u filled with happiness every single day.
looking thru the pics that u posted up in facebook.
i envy. i feel those kind of xin suan.
we were once so close too.
we were once so inseperable.
but right now the amt of times i get to see u cut down a lot.
due to work, due to studies, due to our own lifes.
but, i'm grateful to see u being happy with who u are with now.
it brings me comfort to know that there is someone who will cheer u on like i do.
i miss u.
i miss dani.
i miss seeing the 3 of us together.
welcome to the twenty-oh-one club my love.
happy birthday =)

2008-10-02T20:32:00.003+08:00

updating time.
I M FUCKING STRESSED UP.
kiddo says that i over stress myself due to small little things.
i cant deny.
but i m feeling the stress hitting its maximum.
24/7 non-stop thinking abt my assignments.
even when i slp tt brain of mine just keeps moving.
thinking of what to write in my essay.
thinking of how to complie my pointers.
thinking of whether i wrote out of point.
stress. stressed. still feeling stress out.
i know i need to relax my mind a little.
i know i need to play hard once in a while.
2 2500 words essay to complete.
1 exam to sit for.
no time to study =(
and the weightage of the assignments are scary.
it seems impossible to make any mistakes.

anyway, celebrated children's day with the children.
confirmed leaving the school in early december.
feeling the guilt somewhere deep down.
knowing that the parents will question non-stop when they find out.
trying my best to help all the children in different ways.
trying to cherish my time with them.
went to science centre yesterday with kiddo.
spend a long time in there thou.
thanx kiddo for fulfilling one of the many k.i.v activities.
sorry tt i kept thinking abt my assignment while i'm out with u.
thanx for being understanding =)
2010, when are u gonna come?

2008-09-18T23:09:00.005+08:00

alrite back to updating.
in a rather happy mood cause i finally see the light thru the dark tunnel.
manage to squeeze out and typed 2500 words for tt damn assignment on play.
yes yes. an assignment on play.
kinda wtf. the topic on play also have assignment one arh.
not only tt, i also have to sit for an exam for tt module on play.
faints arh.
studies aside.
i got to agree with what ling said.
thou life right now is very busy for me.
(with the need to juggle work and studies)
i m indeed enjoying life more than before now.
god knows why is tt so but i guess i cherish time with family and friends more.
maybe due to me being too busy, family time and time with friends is kinda theraputic for me.
and i love it! hehe.

alrite shall go directly into my point of this post.
i spend quality time with my family on tuesday nite.
we went on a family outing to sit the singapore flyer!!! (for free of course)
thou coming from a family with not bad a backgound, we are also pretty 'gian ben' ppl.
we didnt spend a single cent on tt half and hour ride.
for the first timer us, we seem very much like a mountain tortoise when we headed there.
but before we reached there it took us like 40 mins to reach our destination.
all due to exiting at the wrong exit (and dad actually made the same mistake twice).
so imagine 7 ppl squeezed in the car for 40 mins.
tt was pretty torturous.
and we played merry-go-round in the F1 track. (in the midst of going to the carpark)
there wasnt much ppl queuing to sit the flyer so under request, we manage to get the whole capsule to ourselves!!!!
it can get pretty boring cause there wasnt music played at all in the capsule thru out the half an hour.
see see look look. at the end was a great experience but seriously nothing much.
and now, here are the pictures of my family outing ...

the tickets to the flyer.

taking our first step into the capsule.

dad, mum, godma, younger bro, me, older bro + gf.

my dad looks comical here la.

part of the F1 track.

the capsule is changing colour.

the scenery of singapore

he is not this short. in actual fact he is taller than me by a head.

my godma!

my laoma and laopa.

group shot before we are 'bian hui ren jian'.

this is the model for the upcoming IR.

we took this pic before 'boarding' the flyer and it cost 15 bucks to purchase it.
(i bought it for zero cents. just need to be fast in clicking my camera.)

2008-09-15T22:39:00.005+08:00

shall update here a little.
currently chiong-ing out 2 of my assignments.
thou the dateline seems far but just wanna get it done.
2 assignments with the wordlength of 2,500 words. *faints.
i will pull thru. i will.
assignments aside.
work is kinda alright (maybe cause i m already counting down to the weeks i left over there).
here to post pics tt i long wanted to but forgotten.
first set is pics tt i took when i went for the teachers' day treat frm boss.
we headed to cicada to makan!
food was alrite (cause i no need to pay a single cent tt's y it taste so good. wahaha.)

this is a very ulu place to reach.

what i chose to eat tt day. appetizer, main course and desert.

they make working life more enjoyable.

the table of ppl whom i have to sit with during my main course.
(they played something like blow wind blow. so all of us have to change seat after eating our appetizer and main course.)

celebrated lantern festival with mother side's family.
was really entertaining with the activities my cousin planned.
food was good and i make up for the food i didnt eat the last whole week of school.
the children couldnt get out of the olympic fever. so we have 'youth olympic' that night.

food of the day!!! *yummy.

the prizes. wahahaha.

the little loves in the family.

bubbles to keep the youngest one happy.
*ahem, my mummy was happily playing too.

'basket balloon' aka basket ball.

hula hoop-y.

announcing of the winners.
(i couldnt stop laughing when this took place.)

award ceremony. this was really hilarious. non-stop laughter in the hse.

this whole latern festival thingy thou didnt involve any lantern, it brought the family closer.
it added lots of joy n laughter to my life.
and it made me forget the stress at work and my studies momentarily.
i m blessed to have such a family.
i m blessed with the things i have in life.
i m blessed with the people who entered my life.
for this, i m grateful!

2008-09-09T22:58:00.003+08:00

work and studies are currently hitting me hard on both sides.
this week seems so stressful.
assignment due.
boss to see the concert dance (another round of shooting and screaming frm her).
saw one of my colleague break down at work today.
breaking down due to what seems to be a break up with bf.
not too sure what happened too.
but saw her crying in the storeroom while the children were slping.
kinda hard not to approach her to give her a big huge.
which landed myself with tears as i see her cry.
sort of saw a part of me while i hug her n hear her cry.
saw the me whereby i was facing the previous break up.
she seems to love this guy a lot.
heard her saying tt they plan to do lots of stuffs together.
with her looking forward to head to the pasar malam to buy goodies to prepare for hari raya.
heard her saying tt she is looking forward to the end of the year.
whereby she is gonna go on a trip to bkk with her bf to celebrate her bf's bdae.
i felt her pain the instant she cried out loud.
i m just being a emotional freak in joining her to cry.

on another note.
classes are driving me a little bit to my limit.
having only one meal a day is killer.
shall tolerate for another 3 more days.
munching on biscuits does not help.
it just makes u feel more hungry.
plus the lecturer of this module is a bore.
can really stone in his class. haiz.
change a new skin.
tagboard is still around.
navigating buttons are on the left.
there are at the words ' what i've been looking for all this time'.
enjoy!!!

2008-09-07T21:09:00.002+08:00

tml is my big day.
nope. not getting married.
instead, it is me finally able to tender my resignation.
it is a tough decision thou.
even thou i have typed the letter out.
even thou i have got it printed out.
even thou i have placed the A4 sized letter into an envelope.
even thou i have prepared it a week in advance.
handing it to my vp seems so tough.
for the past year i have build the rapport with the children.
for the past year i enjoyed every second with the children.
for the past year i encountered lots of shits at work.
but i did have a good time over there.
those bad times were long forgotten.
i m half hearted to tender.
cause i will miss these children tt i have known for a year.
cause i have to start things frm scratch all over again.
cause i will miss some of the colleagues tt i have.
but i seriously think tt i m underpaid and overworked.
plus i dont think there is a need for me to see ppl's faces everyday.
it can get pretty tiring to see ppl entering the class with a gloomy face each day.
it makes work so hard to get by.

darlings. i love each and everyone of u.
cause i know in less than 24 hrs time, i will embark on another phase of my life.
and i will look at each n everyone of u with a different way.
pls come to sch my loves cause i wanna spend the next 3 mths with u guys wisely.
as i get all emo again with seperation with children.
fcuk it.

2008-09-04T20:11:00.004+08:00

i feel the stress.
i feel the pressure.
i feel everything just weighing down on me.
is it just me?
i need a break.
a break frm work.
a break frm studies.
a break frm family.
a break frm everything.
it hit my max at work today.
i cant believe tt i almost breakdown at work due to all the stress.
i can still remember the times whereby i see my colleague breaking down.
and in me i was thinking abt how silly it was to breakdown at workplace.
cause everyone can see ur weakness.
plus work is not something whereby one shld cry over.
at the end of the day, it is just work.
yet, i was at the edge of it today.
every second there seems to be sucking my soul away.
the amt of stress there is just getting worst.
i m looking forward to monday.
looking forward to the day i tender.
and look forward to the day whereby i bid my goodbye to the school.

i m fucking emo these few days.
god knows what is wrong with me.
all i know is tt i cant handle all these shit.
and i dont understand y am i still holding on to something called life.
its kinda worthless now.
seeping into depression?
fuck my life.
i m just like a rubber band tt is stretched to the max now.
abt to break anytime.

2008-08-31T23:00:00.002+08:00

u made me breakdown.
is this all worth it?
i m just too tired to think anymore.

2008-08-29T23:40:00.004+08:00

this whole week of working n heading straight to class.
missing dinner and feeling the hunger in the middle of the night.
it is taking a toil on me but this is just the start.
oh my god!
one week ended and a lot more to go.
one assignment due soon.
need to rush it out this weekend.
i feel like total no life.
*SCREAMS!!!

anyway today was teachers' day.
thou not the actual day but presents came pouring in.
i had my share of presents this year too.
once again first n last time i recieve frm this group of children.
took a pic of the presents.

all the presents tt i got frm my k1 kids n pn/n1 children
(u guys didnt see wrongly. i actually got a bottle of wine too!)

tada! after unwrapping.
(chocos are the best gift for me. wahaha.)

update more another day.
i need slp badly.
there's still work tml. wtf!!!

2008-08-26T22:59:00.004+08:00

this will be a shrot update.
hopefully i will have the time for a proper one during the weekend.
my classes have started (ewwww).
there is some yeah-ness to it cause class is kinda interesting.
but the thing is tt my week's schedule is tight.
i work frm 8.15am till 5.45pm.
then class start frm 6pm till 10pm.
and it will go on for the whole of this week and the following week.
i ask for time off frm work so tt i can leave a little earlier and wont be late for class.
so i m like rushing to class everyday after work.
so u guys may be wondering where and when do i have my dinner.
i have my dinner at 3.30pm.
and u guys will ask when i have my lunch.
i take lunch around 12.30pm.
whether i m hungry or not, i still take dinner at 3.30pm.
cause tt's the only time whereby i can have my dinner.
a very early one indeed.
and a not very healthy one too.
have been having cup noodles for the past 2 days for dinner.
any good ideas on what to eat for dinner?
just pop in 2 pills.
coming down with flu cause peers in class is sneezing away.
i need slp now.
drained out to the max.
shit at work is working out a little bit better.
but i cant expect much cause i know more is coming soon due to concert.

i love you guys!!!!
especially kiddo!!!

2008-08-23T08:01:00.005+08:00

i need to start learning.
learning how to cope.
cope with things at home.
cope with things happening at workplace.
cope with upcoming studies.
cope with things between kiddo n me.
n nt forgetting to keep a space where friends play a part in my life.
no matter how hard life is gonna be,
the days still past.
the world still spin.
nthing wld stop for me.
getting emtional these few days for no reason.
cant stop listening to this song.

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free
So I'll let you fly
'Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of your indefinitely
Boy don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're ever gonna shake me
Oh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And i won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave boy
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably, you'll be back again
'Cause you know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no, no

I know that you'll be back boy
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oh
I know that you'll be right back baby
Oh baby believe me it's only a matter of time

2008-08-22T23:28:00.003+08:00

i need to start to get into the mugging mood.
kinda into it cause i m a kan chiong spider.
i can forsee myself hiding in my own world and shell frm now till end of nov.
full time work + studies + family dont seem to get along well with each other.
things just get tougher when u recieve shit at work.
*pouts pouts pouts.
yes i m dreading the start of sch.
i m not excited over it.
and there is concert to worry abt.
boss is coming to see the dance soon.
(the dance steps are not all out yet. i m suppose to think of them.)
not forgetting i still haven settle the baby class's concert costumes.
parent-teacher's meeting is coming up.
which means first 2 saturdays of september are burnt.
how bad can things get?
very bad.
cause i have a 1,500 words assignment due on the 15th of sept.
how on earth do i find time to write my damn essay.
soon i can be goddess.
no need to slp at all.
good job janice. way to go.

i know i m ranting on and on about how much i dread the upcoming 18mths.
but i will still hang in there no matter what.
all i need is to not think abt the passing days.
maybe. just maybe in a wink i will complete my degree.
*psycho-ing myself in the process*

side track a wee bit.
work was fine today cause i was on half day leave.
left work place n went to shop for stationary for the start of sch.
then next head to raffles city's j'co to la kopi n read storybook.
sat there for an hour plus all by myself.
then went walking around raffles city looking at children's clothes.
so cute la!! omg.
small small one.
met kiddo after my orientation.
kiddo bought tix to watch the fireworks display on the floating platform.
it was a great experience.
but kiddo arh, this wld be the first n last time hor.
next time we just jaga a place to stand far far to see.
save money *grins.
i m now a drained, hungry, stressed, grumpy girl. sheesh.

2008-08-20T20:16:00.003+08:00

SCREAMS: I DONT WANT TO LOOSE MY FREEDOM!!
school is starting soon and i m dreading it to the max.
haiz. cant complain much thou.
sch fees paid. degree die die also have to take.
timetable is set not as if i can change.
cant leave this workplace and work part time too.
if i were to work part time i can forsee myself grumble too.
due to not having enought cash to spend.
sighs. where is my sugar daddy.
anyway, i finally have a change of blogskin!
yeah-ness. a new look after god knows when.
and finally a tag board *grins!

work is kinda stressing me out.
datelines to hit.
pushed to the limit.
kana cheated tt help wld be given to me.
fuck the help la.
at the end of the day also i do.
why does this company seem to have more n more ppl who have the heck care attitude.
i wanna heck care too. wtf la.
3 mths and 2 more weeks to go.
2 more weeks to tendering of resignation letter.
wish me luck.
i dont wanna enter the office n keep talking to boss.
i dont wanna be psychoed by her.

while i pat my babies to slp, i felt the pain in the heart.
i wld miss them most if i were to leave.
the little man zhu gan i recieve when the child learnt is priceless.
the sight of them as all of them seep into deep slp.
they are so so angelic.
i love teaching them.
i love being around them.
i love the way they call my name over and over again.
i love those parents who talked to me and ask for advise.
i love the times whereby the children brought laughter into my life.
i miss gia.
i miss tt huge girl who is afraid of a small snail.
i miss tt girl who is small in age yet treat a child bigger than her in age like a baby.
i miss tt girl whose laughter is contagious.
i miss the way tt girl dance.
i miss her.
come back quick gia karter.

and this poor teacher janice is sitting in front of the com preparting work for my k1 kids.
jiu ming arh.
4 more days to the end of total freedom.

2008-08-18T21:50:00.001+08:00

god knows how my bro came across this video.
but it is damn hilarious.
spend a few minutes watching ba.
enjoy!! =)

2008-08-16T19:24:00.002+08:00

i forgot to make a wish on my birthday.
cause i thought i already have everything i needed.
yet i forgot to make the wish of: everything to stay the same in my life.
i dont need my life to improve.
neither do i expect any good things to come.
i what things to get better at home.
first it is mummy.
now it is daddy.
when can all of this stop?
mummy is recovering.
and then something has to happen to daddy.
after nearing a year of looking after mummy.
now its time to look after daddy.
this can be pretty tiring.
and i dont seem to have anymore time to fork out.
school is starting soon.
work is still gonna go on as usual.
(but not tt smoothly)

can i make a wish now?
will it be too late?
i wish that EVERYTHING STAYS THE SAME IN MY LIFE.
just this wish will do.

2008-08-13T20:22:00.010+08:00

8th august 2008

had a national day celebration in school.
the party was organised by a me and another colleague.
the whole school looked so cute tt day with everyone dressed up in red and white.
anyway, i made my K1 children to sing a bdae song to me.
video-ed it down. too adorable.
took lots of pics tt day with the children.
a simple party but everyone was happy at the end of the day.
not forgetting the amt of food tt flowed in tt day.
yummy yummy and made everyone look like a glutton.
za came back to brighton tt day to visit us too!!
here are some pics taken tt day.
enjoy!!

my nikki n me

my K1 class

the children under me in K1

my children n their crazy teacher showing other how much they love me.

i did the flag raising!! *lol

the adorable brothers stand out among the rest

slade and shaylin

my PN/N1kiddos.

this is how tough to catch a shot with them

my baby doll in the afternoon - anna

9th august 2008

met the co girls at city hall.
head to Beppu Menkan Japanese Noodle Restaurant for lunch.
(thanx kiddo for telling the girls where i really wanna go.
thanx gals for satisfying my tummy tt day *smiles*)
after lunch the girls are suppose to accompany me shop.
however, they lead me to chocoz at MS instead.
they surprised me with a cake and a video clip featuring me in it.
tt video is one tt i m so gonna cherish for the rest of my life.
(thanx wanying for doing it up once again *hugs)
after tt some girls left while some stayed on.
those who did, we walked around till kiddo turn up.
head to millenium walk's tcc to sit, relax and have a cup of coffee.
when it was around 7 plus we headed towards the open area of MS to try squeezing our way thru to catch a glimpse of the fireworks.
we managed to see a bit and caught a few shots.
after tt was home sweet home.
once again, pics will do all the talking.
presenting the girls ....

via and ying

ling and yih

yu shi n qin

mel and via

dai jing n maine

the cake and i

i was suppose to make a wish but i really didnt know what else to wish for.

the girls tt made me felt so loved.

blur but nice!

we wanted to catch us and the fireworks. but the next second there wasnt anymore. next year then *shrugs

the collage the girls made for me =)

10 august 2008

headed to my niece's 1 mth old bdae bash.
spend my afternoon over there playing with kids and catching up with cousins.
after tt went to meet kiddo and slack around.
a very slow paced day without any pictures. haha.

11 august 2008

drove my mummy to my granny's place at amk.
i took half an hour to reach there.
and mum's comment was: u drive like a tortoise.
thank you mum. i m just a safe driver la.
plus those drivers on the road all so scary.
plus we didnt take the expressway to get there.
cant blame me what right?
watched a bit of olympics over at gran's place then went to meet xiu.
had k session with xiu at MS.
after donkey years, i finally step my foot into kbox once again.
really lost touch with chinese songs. jia lat.
enjoy the singing session (more like enjoyed sitting there listening to xiu sing).
after tt met up with my ex colleague for dinner at city hall.
sat, chit chat, catch up.
after tt rush to clarke quay to meet kiddo's bestie for dinner.
i m suppose to be the late one but in the end i was the second to reach.
(cant blame kiddo cause she is invovled in the big project).
after dinner went walking around clarke quay.
sat down along sg river to chit chat n see edmund open his presents.
was very drained when i was heading home.
kiddo gave the weirdest reason to enter my hse.
i almost freak out when mum ask y was i with kiddo when i m suppose to be with one of my poly mates.
anyway, walked into my room wanting to change.
find it weird y my room door was locked.
was anticipating to enter a cold room thinking my bro on the aircon.
instead i got a pleasant surprise frm the co girls.
(thanx yushi, via, ling, qin, wanying, yih for planning this with kiddo)
the girls decorated my room and appeared with another cake.
(thanx kiddo for baking a cake for me *grins)
found out tt they have been planning all these for me.
kiddo even called my mum and lias with the girls for this surprise.
(kiddo, u are such an angel!)
pics coming up!

we settled here for dinner.

the view frm where i was sitting.

the bdae boy =)

the greedy one *smiles*

kiddo looks dead tired here.
(reason being she spent the whole day baking and rushing to different places. thanx love.)

this was how my room was decorated by the girls.

the cake kiddo bake. plus the 21 small candles on the cake.

the cake and me!!! *loves*

12 august 2008

kiddo die die didnt wanna let me know where we are heading to tt day.
met her at the clinic near my place.
(kiddo fell sick planning all my bdae stuffs. touched.)
took a bus to SPCA.
u guys must be thinking we are crazy.
anyway, we always wanted to head there to take a look.
but didnt had a chance.
so this time round we finally manage to strike off one item off our KIV activites.
after tt we took bus to ngee ann poly.
another crazy thing to do.
but it is meaningful.
tt was the place whereby we met.
tt was the place tt filled up a lot of our memories.
tt was the place tt made the third year in np worthwhile.
anyway, went to SIM to eat tom yum me fen guo.
love tt stall to the max.
then went to HMS office to pay visit to my lecturers.
after tt off we went to bugis in the bus again.
walked around to see see look look.
wanted to buy things but ended up liang shou kong kong.
next train-ed to harbour front.
after tt took a cab to labrador park.
kiddo brought me to the place i always wanted to go - moon and ladder bar and bistro.
another surprise for me was the appearance of bestie - fiona teo hui min.
haven seen her for ages.
sat there to chill but it drizzle a bit.
head for shelther but went up to take more pictures.
headed home after tt and tt marks the end of my twenty-oh-one birthday celebration for the day.
more meet ups to come with different ppl.
i will fork out time to meet u guys.
thanx for making me feel so loved.
u guys are priceless. love all of u so much!!
thank you once again for forking out time with all the planning and meet ups =)
pictures time!!

how can i not take pics with the pretty balloons?

we went to SPCA

back to ngee ann for my fav.

the view up at labrador park.

us =)

near moon and ladder bar and bistro

the view at moon and ladder bar and bistro

the bestie

the twenty-oh-one girl

my planner cum photographer =)

p.s: we did lots of unglam things over there and my dear bestie posted on facebook. head there to take a peep if interested =)

2008-08-12T22:30:00.002+08:00

past few days has been busy even thou i m on leave.
out everyday with different ppl frm saturday all the way to tuesday.
sat met the co peeps for lunch then for fireworks.
sun went to niece 1 mth old bdae then met kiddo.
mon met shen mi jia bin for k session,
followed my meeting ex-colleague for dinner,
lastly by meeting kiddo n her bestie for dinner.
tues went out the whole day with kiddo.

how each day went will update tml.
drained out totally with all the bdae celebrations.
just wanna thank a few ppl over here.
thank you co gang, esp those who planned for the surprise at my place.
thank you fiona for the making the trip to tt ulu place tt i wanna go.
thank you kiddo for all the planning u did with my friends just for me.
appreciate them a lot.
i m loved by all of u.
i m grateful and thankful for everything.
u guys are love.
thank you so much so much.

more updates and pics tml.
*promise*

2008-08-10T08:52:00.002+08:00

this post is specially dedicated to the co peeps.
thank you girls for the celebration yesterday.
thank you all for turning up and planning the mini surprise.
for the effort u girls made the collage.
for the effort u girls tried to bring me to chocoz.
and for wanying's effort for the little video clip made for me.
it meant a lot to me.
a pleasant surprise.
looking at the pictures on the video.
looking at the captions for the pictures.
i nearly cried.
i was really touch.
first time i saw how much i meant to my friends.
thanx a lot for letting me felt loved.
not forgetting thanx for spending yesterday with me.
thou we didnt really do much.
but a lot of walking and slacking at different places.
tt was more than i can ask for.
thanx many many.
a little msg for each one of you.
(those tt dunno my blog. paiseh le.)

Garfield:
thanx so much for spending one whole nite to do up the video clip. really love it a lot.
for the nonsense we share. for the crazy moments we have.
thanx for being part of me and joining in my craps =)

AgKOH:
for being ever so thoughtful and always being the one to sent out e-mails to meet up to celebrate for each individual during their birthdays, thank you.
soon u shall receive a call or sms frm to ask u to mug with me le.
i will join the mugging club soon =)

bring gold:
u didnt take very long to think of what to write on the collage this time round. xi guan le ba?
the little gossips of ppl whom we knew in sec sch yet lost contact with.
the times whereby we hold onto the ds lite n try to play cooking mama or the other game on IQ.
those are the little memories with u in them tt make me smile frm time to time.

paper red:
the da jie who is far far away now.
i hope u are doing fine over there.
indeed lots of responsibilities are weighing me down.
but like u say, i will try to face all the difficulties with great courage =)

sushi:
thanx for fulfilling my wish of writing something frm the bottom of ur heart.
deeply appreciated =)
i will never forget the times whereby u stood by me to lend me a shoulder when i need it most.
i will smile naturally de *BIG SMILES!

dearie:
i like ur highlights!!
for the dunno-many-times u send me home - THANK YOU SO MUCH.
i promise tt when the day comes whereby i can use the car,
i make sure tt it wld be my turn to send u home le.
pls try to sleep at the timing normal ppl do yar =)
jia you for the last semester in sch!! ni ke yi de!!

the 'ben ben' friend:
ur presence never fail to lighten any atmosphere.
thou we are known as the ben ben ones in the group,
doesnt really matter cause - sha ren you sha fu!
next meet up we dont talk too much then wont kana shoot tt much too *wink*

treble clef:
think sch started for u le.
thanx for forking out the time to meet up.
jia you for studies yar.
i will jin liang to be xin fu de =)

the ultra skinny one:
times whereby we sit at the back row of class and took out comics to read during chinese lesson.
times whereby the lesson got so boring tt we have to eat a sweet to keep ourself awake.
time flew by so quickly, yet those memories will always stay.
do enjoy ur studying life now!

the smallest one:
working life is really mundane.
i can understand tt very well.
but no matter how jia lat work gets, dont forget to play hard during off days yar
sidenote: ni kan qi lai zhen de hen xin fu. do stay tt way yar =)

2008-07-30T19:03:00.001+08:00

muscle relaxation pills SUCK BIG TIME!!!
hate the after effect of the fucking pill.
-end-

-edited-
i always have to feel so fucked up before my bdae dont i?

2008-07-24T19:41:00.002+08:00

my back hurts.
hurts a hell lot.
bending down is kinda impossible.
but it cant be helped in the afternoon class.
bending down, picking things up, carrying the children.
at the end of the day i feel the strain on the back adding up.
yesterday after work was bad.
today after work is worst.
i want to be in bed the whole day to rest tt back of mine.
old injuries?
new injuries?
see a doc?
get a referral?
oh wells.
i dunno what to do.
i just want the pain to leave me alone.

2008-07-05T22:20:00.002+08:00

time to do updating again!
i wish to be a lazy bum and not do anything at home.
sheesh. tt wish will never come true.
updates abt work n personal life.

work life is the same as usual.
shit happens everywhere n anywhere.
just gonna live by the day at work n not think too much.
cause it is getting fucked up stressful.
maybe i m just too harsh on myself.
maybe i m not accustomed to the changes at workplace.
maybe everything is due to the time factor.
alrights. janice is giving herself a hell load of excuses.

life has been kinda great this week.
did a crazy little thing i didnt imagine myself doing.
club on a weekday when there is work tml.
that isnt something i wld do but i did it.
and the following day at work was totally shitty i must say.
so this wld be the first n the last time i gonna do it.
head to play on thurs nite with dell.
went for sutya finals.
saw a few familiar faces.
bump into ppl whom i know.
anyway, the results was a total disappointment.
oh wells. forget abt tt.
saw a fight outside play.
being kpo, i just looked on n watch. haha.
its kinda crazy to see what happens when girls get drunk.
wld have partied till closing if it werent due to work the next day.
left at 1 plus 2.
on the whole kinda fun with all the dancing.
but the event was a total bore.
side track a bit: irene ang looks great in person.
i like her voice!
side note: thanx kiddo for coming all the way to play n accompany this 口是心非 big kid. it meant a lot.

meeting the girls tml for more party celebration.
yeah-ness to tt.
looking forward to tt.
and all the shits will start all over again for 5 days.
i love my weekends!!

it is sad to realise so friends come and go in ur life.
at a certain point in ur life, 2 persons can be so close.
and before u know it, u guys are just like acquaintance.
maybe i m thinking too much.
but this is how i felt after whatever happened.
i didnt want things to continue in the direction they seem to be heading in the past.
but i also didnt want this friendship to go downhill.
m i asking for too much?
is it me who just feels this way?
whatever it is i just hope we are still those kinda friends tt can talk anything n everything under the sun.
just tt i need tt little amt of respect frm u.

2008-07-03T03:46:00.002+08:00

having insomnia.
when every single person around u is in lala land and u are awake.
tt feeling sucks.
i wanna get back to slp!!!
work is a killer nowadays.
and i m only slping for 3 fucking hours.
soon i m gonna be a panda.
an endangered species.
woohoo. not bad. at least like tt i m worth more money.
someone pls lend me around 5k.
or let me be lucky to strike 4D or TOTO.
like tt i can throw the money at my boss face and tell her:
'i aint fucking gonna stay at this company and slog my ass for u.
i rather go somewhere else to work in which they appreciate the hard the teachers put in.
dont try to act as if u care for ur teachers.
cause everyone with eyes can see tt money out-weight ur care for the teachers welfare.
as for now i m gonna tender my resignation and pay u the amt tt is stated in the contract.'
sighs.
guys wait for 2 years to ORD.
janice wait for a year and 3mths to 'ORD'.
now i truely understand how tt feels.
janice is now a bird locked up in a cage due to a few pieces of paper with my signature on it.
half a year more to go.
may the days past by fast.
i will definitely grow old quicker staying there.
i dun wanna grow old!!!

i wanna slp i wanna slp.
i wanna be back in my lala land.
kinda crapping over here now cause there aint a soul online other than my friends who are in boston.
and they are like having lectures now.
haiz. where did zhou gong went to?
off to bed to stare at the ceiling. sheesh.

2008-06-27T20:34:00.002+08:00

things that happened in the past is known as history.
some histories will be remembered but some may be forgotten.
in one's life, there are bound to be lots of memories.
some stored in one's long term memory.
some stored in one's short term memory.
and some no matter how tough u wish to forget will never be forgotten.
reading thru my past entries on this blog.
i chance upon something that i wrote:
'if i were to enter another r/ship, will my past stop haunting me?'
i found the answer.
and the answer was no, the past is and will continue to haunt me.
i will leave this world one day n still remember it.
how brave can one get?
how strong should one be?
i really wonder at times.
yet i find it so tough to say it out to those ppl who shld know.
all the what ifs just flood my mind the moment tt happens.
cant the brain just act a little like a computer?
with it having the delete button and the empty recycle bin function.
tt wld make my life so much better i bet.
i dont need to have all the small incidents in my life to make me recall.
and i cant stop all those small incidents to take place.
tired to be recalled of the past each time.
tired with the need to take a while again to forget abt it.
starting life afresh will only be a phrase.
one cant start afresh afterall.

2008-06-23T19:26:00.004+08:00

weekends are fun.
weekdays are a total bore to me.
i hate working.
especially when u are working with someone with a heck care attitude.
anyway, i shall update abt the weekend tt just past.
on saturday met up with kiddo to get sw bdae present.
head to ps to walk around.
bought tickets to watch kungfu panda.
movie wasnt tt bad after all.
very entertaining but wasnt as good as i thought it wld be.
cause everyone seems to say tt it will make one laugh frm the start to the end.
anyway, before watching the movie went to national museum!!
finally after so long of waiting and looking forward to it.
went to national museum for the exhibit: mozart - a child prodigy.
it was fun i could say with all the photo taking.
a little upset cause the exhibit wasnt as huge as i thought it wld be.
plus there were lots of children there.
so not much peace.
so here u guys go with the photos taken over there.

i'm a happy child to be at the exhibit.

for the children, the top tt i wore is knee length for them.

mozart and us =)

sleeping on the kind of bed mozart slp when he was young.

finally caught an image of us at the big big screen.

after museum head to 'made with love' to get some materials to make sw's scrapbook.
hope u like it sw!!
thou the pics i choose wasnt what u like but its kinda cute u know. *grins
dinner. movie. home.
a nice day spend with kiddo.

sunday was purely slacking at home.
woke up to do chores.
watch alvin and the chipmunks online.
waited for time to pass as tt kiddo will come over to my place.
kiddo finally came then we head to sw's party together.
i manage to find my way there!!
i aint a road idiot after all. wahaha.
party was alrite.
food was good.
seeing sw kana sabo by his friends was great!
hahaha. such an evil friend i m.
hope u like the presents tt we got frm u!!
happy 21st in advance =)

back to today.
work is CRAZY today.
soon janice is gonna die.
with me and lao shi in the class.
plus another admin person.
the whole class is in total mess.
accident happened in class today.
till now i m still worried for tt child of mine.
wondering how he is.
praying hard tt it is just a normal bump.
hope he will come to sch tml.
so this was how the story went for my class today.
after snack, we went out for a walk kinda thing.
just nice there is another group of students at the playground.
so my little ones cant head there.
so went out to walk.
my 2 beloved babies (literally babies) ran to the out gate.
the out gate is not closed at all.
and if there were to run out the cars are just gonna knock them down.
called out for them to stop.
but as babies they dont seem to give a damn abt instructions.
asked the rest of the children to stop.
so i ran towards to out gate to get it closed.
those children behind me saw me running, they started to run.
in the end 3 of them fell.
they were holding hands.
and when they fell it was one on top of the other.
the middle child due to no having hands in front to support when the fall took place,
got the forehead knocking directly onto the concrete pavement.
when i turn around to look my heart sank literally.
frm far it seems like blood is flowing frm the forehead.
dunno whether to run back to the child or to jaga the rest who are running towards to me.
in the end just ran to the injured child.
the forehead had a big bruise.
so bad tt i literally turn green.
really hope tt he is fine.
i just want to protect them frm harm.
i just want them to be safe.
no matter how much the parents beg us to be vigilant,
i hope i could tell them tt i see ur child as my own child.
it hurts just as much to see them fall or get hurt.
hopefully tml will be a better day.
when will the day come for me to tender my resignation letter?

2008-06-19T21:46:00.002+08:00

work is killing me.
someone save me.
this time round even if have superman also cant save me le.
when work is fucked up, u give the fucked up attitude.
oh wells. what to do.

2008-06-17T20:31:00.002+08:00

back to update!!
went for ying's 21st bdae party at pasir ris area.
anyway i was the first one to reach the place.
i didnt get lost at all! *claps
dont have photos to post cause didnt bring camera.
after ying's chalet i decided on one thing.
i m not gonna play with wii early in the morning anymore.
on top of that no more playing of boxing if there's a next time round.
hands were really tired after the game.
ache like no one's business.
but, IT IS FUN!!!

my life is getting very uptight each passing day.
work sucks to the core.
no more fun anymore.
total sian-ness.
i cant click with the new colleague in the afternoon.
the things tt she does isnt what i would approve of.
today is the day whereby all my old colleagues are leaving.
i m happy tt they are leaving the company.
but i m freaking sad that there wont be anymore fun and laughter in the company.
seriously counting down the days. *sigh

to my new colleague (not that u are able to read this):
i hate the way u do stuffs.
i hate the way whereby u can be so calculative over certain stuffs.
if u wanna make life difficult for me then pardon me for being a bitch.
u better not have the cheek to come up to me and ask why do i nt love this child.
i love these children more than i love myself.
the only diff between the two of us is,
i love these children, u spoil these children.
and the moment u spoil them, u wont be able to pacify them the moment they cry.
i know i m repeating things in this entry.
but i m boiling so much inside due to u.
u cause this child to get out of routine.
u cause this child to keep crying when he/she is in child.
u cause this child to rely on u so much.
thou they are young but they can be independent.
so stop stopping them from learning and growing.
what u are doing is not helping the child.
stop being so egocentric.
its time for u to grow up!

i feel so lost.
i hate changes.
i hate the change of colleagues.
i hate the company.
i hate the mask that ppl wears.
i hate the politics tt doesnt end.

2008-06-08T20:13:00.002+08:00

lesson learnt today:
dont try to endure pain when the pain exceeds ur endurance level.
cause the result of tt would lead to passing out.
no fun to pass out when there isnt a single awaken soul around.

2008-06-08T14:34:00.004+08:00

while waiting for my movie to load i shall update a little here.
if i were to remember correctly, went on an excursion to the underwater world with the children.
the trip was alright only.
i think tt it wld be best if the children went there on their own.
more time to see the things in underwater world.
they missed out quite a bit i could say.

we were waiting for the late coach.

at the touch pool. (the fishes must have suffered a hell lot tt day.)

next up was ah qin's bdae chalet at coasta sands.
went there early with ying n maine to help with the deco.
waited so long outside the room hoping to see qin after she change.
it was a real long wait.
got so excited with the curler tt qin has.
aunty was nice and helped me curl my hair.
(i still prefer to have my hair the way it is. curls are so hard to maintain.)
chit chat with those long lost touch sacians tt came.
ate, chit chat, take pictures.
in the end hide in the room and played solitaire.
soon everyone starts to leave.
played via's DS lite and got bored with it.
sat there n watch tv till i got tired.
hit the bed together with via cause she has work the next day.
first time in a chalet i slp well and we had a bed each to ourselves.
the rest went out for a spin while the two of us just slp. wahaha.
next day went to have breakfast with via then off i went back home.

first and last time u will see me in curled hair.

us and the bdae girl =)

finally, all of us =)

monday came and went to meet ech society seniors at judith's hse.
all the way frm fort road to woodlands.
it was a crazy journey.
went to bedok interchange first to meet deb.
hitch a ride frm her to woodlands.
the two of us dont know how to get there.
but thank god there's something call street directory.
hit the highways and ended up in woodlands.
went in serch for the block and got so happy when we part the car and went into the lift.
this was where the crazy thing happened.
we tried to search for the hse unit but there wasnt at all.
11th floor unit number 05.
but the unit number tt we saw had 3 digits.
upon checking the block, we realised tt we made a mistake.
not we but me.
cause i was the one who told deb tt it is blk 828 when it is suppose to be blk 882.
was able to reach judith's place at around 7.15pm.
in the end we reached at 7.45pm.
i haven been so blue before.
this time was really cannot make it.
short and nice meet up tt we had.

it feels great to recieve a big hug frm a child like amber.

2008-05-31T07:33:00.002+08:00

coming back to work after a long break makes me feel lethargic.
maybe tt wasnt the case at all.
maybe it was due to the fact that more colleagues are gonna leave soon.
which leaves me to get used to all the new faces at work.
thou they have been there for a period of time,
i m still not used to their working styles.
it might take time for them to get use to everything.
hopefully the excuse i m giving myself works everything out.
if not i can see myself getting crushed by work as the day draws nearer to the 12 of june.

met up with a few friends after my trip.
first was fio.
off we went to the flyer to have popeye's.
never park ur car over there!
the parking fee is crazy.
3 bucks per hour.
we came out of the gantry and it went *beep* 6 bucks gone.
but we enjoyed our catching up and chit chat session.
plus the craziness of wanting to capture the whole of the flyer.
kinda impossible to do so.
and i actually promise this bestie of mine tt i wld take a nite and a day shot for her.
i m into big shit.
next, met up with ser and kai yesterday at vivo.
before ser n sindy flies over to boston for a month.
I WANNA GO TOO!!
bring me along la.
thou shopping over there will burn my pocket.
but i dont mind going over to boston.
i just want to be out of sg and out of my work place.
wahahhaha.
dream on dream on janice.
anyway, spent the whole nite shopping away at vivo.
plus chit chatting n gossiping away.
how can a meet up not have all these.
was nice to see the girls once again.
since i haven seen ser for so long le.
not forgetting pebbles her little dog tt terrorizes me during poly days.

and today i'm gonna see the co peeps.
off the costa sands for a chalet.
it has been long since i went for a chalet.
makes me feel younger for a while. hehe.
looking forward to tonight!

2008-05-23T19:32:00.004+08:00

i'm back in sg once again.
went for my bkk trip on the 16th of may.
back on the 20th of may.
the 5 days over there is purely shiok arh!
but before the trip i was on mc for 2 days.
down with freaking high fever.
the fever didnt subside at all.
kept staying at around 39 degrees.
in the end went to get 2 jabs to bring it down so tt i m fit to board the plane the next morning.

some pics frm the trip.
didnt really take a lot cause it was endless shopping for me.
shopping is the best medicine =)
non-stop of shopping n eating over there.
sad to say i didnt went to club zeta.
one day one day.
i make sure i return to bkk with more money on hand.
plus more ppl.
so tt we can all hit club zeta!
tt is a must on my to do list. wahaha.

day 0
kiddo came over my place at around 10 plus to stay.
cause our flight is 6.30am the next morning.
we only started falling asleep at around 11 plus.

day1
woke up at 4.30am to wash up and head to the airport.
the 2 of us look real bad with tt minimal amt of slp.
anyway, we saw ann kok at the budget terminal too.
too bad she's heading for guangzhou not bkk.
she however looks damn good for a person at 4 plus in the morning.
board the plane and off we zoomed to bkk.
reach bkk and the first thing tt greet us was:
where are u going? u need a taxi?
the 2 of us are like being combed by thais trying to cheat our money.
first stop was to hit platinum and pratunm market to shop.
the only difficulty was tt we are carrying our backpack.
so it kinda get into our way as we walk.
check into our hotel and head back to pratunum market to walk around.
had our dinner at the roadside stall.
the tom yum soup was superb!
the whole dinner just cost us 130 bhat.
which is less than 6 bucks.
heavenly! seriously living in paradise.
head back to the hotel n we started to dye our hair.
as we went to buy those diy ones.
much cheaper over there thou.
wahahhaa.

the super 'chui' us on board the plane at 6.30am

sunrise tt we caught on the plane to bkk

when u take a budget plane this is how the unloading of ur baggages look like.

the mini car plate on each metered-taxi. damn cute can.

the flea market made up of a lot of art students.

things sold at the flea market outside central world.

day2
meet up with my aunts and cousin to head to cha tu chak market.
more buyings over there.
not forgetting the search of the cute pets sold over there.
there are seriously adorable la.
the shopping at cha tu chak cost me a big hole in the pocket.
went there with an empty bag.
head back to the hotel with 2 full bags.
sheesh.
anyway head back to my cousin's hotel to put stuffs then head to a nearby restaurant to eat.
had steamboat.
wasnt tt fantastic but the tom yum soup base was shiok!
after lunch we walked to mbk to shop.
the trip there was long.
as there were lots of other small shops along the roadside tt heads to mbk.
so we spent a while over there to see see look look.
not forgetting our stop to get a drink frm A&W.
they actually still have it in bkk.
root beer float never tasted so nice.
after shopping at mbk, we head to chinatown to have seafood.
the dinner was superb!
as long as it is good food everything is nice.
wahahhaa.
after dinner headed back to our hotel after collecting things frm cousin's hotel.
it was pouring very badly tt nite.
so we cab back to our hotel.
on the way back we saw an accident which involved a tuk tuk.

we took the bts over there to mo chit station.

the scene at the overhead bridge. the amt of taxis. omg.

the long lost A&W in sg. hahaha.

the yummilicious mango sticky rice tt we had at mbk.

just look how huge their prawns can get. very huge indeed.

the wide spread of seafood tt we ate at chinatown. shiok arh!

this is the amt of things kiddo bought at the end of day 2.

this was what i bought at the end of day 2. wahahah.

day 3
head back to cha tu chak market with cousin's wife n kiddo.
bought a little more.
see more puppies over there.
we also manage to chance upon this pretty grand small cafe in cha tu chak market.
the coffee sold there is two thumbs up.
cheap and good.
cant find it anywhere in sg.
head back to hotel to rest for a while.
the out we went to mbk again.
had teppanyaki for dinner.
wasnt tt great cause tasted better ones.
head back to hotel to put our stuffs down.
out we went to pratunum centre for massage.
shuang is the only word to describe.
thou at times i will struggle as it tickles or hurts.

the little rabbits sold at cha tu chak market.

the extremely cute doggies over there at the market.

the posh looking cafe tt pop out of no where at cha tu chak market.

the latte tt kiddo bought frm the cafe. thumbs up. cheap and nice.

day 4
slpt longer in the hotel.
head back to pratunum market n platinum mall.
nothing much to get and with the two of us being pretty sei,
we head back to our hotel for a nap.
after tt headed to central world to explore.
got stuck in isetan's food department.
started buying lots of finger food to eat.
after tt off we went to kinokuniya.
bought a book over there.
way way cheaper than sg.
headed for round 2 of thai massage at the same place at night.

day5
woke up damn early to take our flight back to sg.
hailed a cab and thought can at least stone on the journey there.
but our cab driver was damn high.
he knowing some english just cant stop talking to us.
the two of us were like so stoned yet he continue ranting on n on.
at times it was so tough to understand his english.
reached the airport and check in.
my backpacked weighted 9.9kg at the end of the trip.
while kiddo's was only a 7.2kg.
see the difference man.
bkk is a shopping heaven for ladies.
wahhaha.

i wish to be in bkk still.
oh wells.
shopping, eating, sleeping.
live over there is just good la.
damn, i'm now in sg.

2008-04-30T22:14:00.002+08:00

how u guys ever stand in my light n see what i m going thru.
i find it very unfair to me.
very unfair indeed.
i m the one doing everything single thing.
yet y does all the shit comes hitting onto me directly?
i shldnt be the one taking all these shld i?
i did my part.
i did all i could ever since everything happened.
i didnt complain a thing at all.
it aint tt i m always at home.
it aint tt i can always be around to help out.
i need to work dont i.
if i didnt need to work, i wld then be able to do whatever u wish me to do.
stop being so mean to be.
stop being so self centered.
u guys broke my heart so much.
yet y do i always put u guys first in my heart.
y do tears always fall for u guys.
y do i always take everything tt is said to heart.
i hate being so screwed emotionally by u guys.
it aint tt i dislike being at home.
but u guys made home hard to stay in ever since things happened.
i struggled so hard.
yet do u see a shit?
no u dont.
u guys never did no matter how much i try n effort put in.

2008-04-21T21:59:00.003+08:00

life has been pretty screwed up lately.
non-stop thinking abt stuffs and so forth.
tiring. very tiring indeed.
life is seriously meaningless.
u are born into this world.
u study ur whole life just to get a few pieces of paper.
once u get the paper, u slog ur whole life just to survive.
and when u are surviving well, u never know when u will leave the world.
this vicious cycle is so meaningless yet very realistic.
i'm tired of such life.
5 years down the road.
what might happen?
what will happen?
those thoughts keep running thru my mind.
5 years aint short nor is it long.
so many things can take place in the next five years.

5 years down the round,
will i loose someone close to my heart?
i fear.
i havent been fearing so much for such a long time.
this time round i really do fear.
the fear is just so great tt i cant stop thinking.
what if it were to really take place?
just all the what ifs can kill.
i cant imagine.
neither do i wish to think.
but the thoughts just run thru my pea brain like tap water.
i want to do whatever i can for fear tt i may regret.
i try so hard to be optimistic.
but teach me how shld i stay tt way.
i need a break.
i need a break frm work.
i need a break frm family matters.
i need a break and be myself.

more than half a year has past by.
the fear stayed within me.
now, its starting to appear once again.
scaring me a hell lot.
things that took place.
things whereby i wished i could do.
things whereby i dunno how to change.
how shld i go abt with the so called life of mine.

my breaking point.

2008-04-15T21:45:00.006+08:00

has been a long while since i updated.
lost track of what went on with my life the past few days.
whatever it is, i m still in one piece.
(thank god i m in a piece. haha.)
guess its also time to catch up with my friends out there soon.
it seems like everyone is turning 21 soon.
sheesh. the BIG 21.
guess it wld be birthdays after birthdays soon.
not sure what to update u too.
shall just leave some pics here for u to view my life.
enjoy =)

the kakis who were present
(i know it looks a little out of shape. but i had to shrink it so tt it fits in nicely on the blog.)

the very sinful cake

the yummilicious self-made choco fondue

the dinner we had

the craft tt we prepared =)

p.s: girls if u guys wan the pics let me know yar =)

2008-04-03T21:33:00.005+08:00

igetirritatedeasily.
itisjustnearingthedayofthemonthisuppose.
fuckedupla.
idontunderstandwhysomesiblingsjustloveto
disturbunonstop.
donttheyunderstandthatatsomepointsin
timesapersonneedspeaceandnothingelse.
ithinksomebrothersdobutmineobviously
donotunderstandthattheoryatall.
fuckedupla.
workhasntbeensmoothsailingtoobutiguessi
shouldntexpecttoomuchtoo.
ahcrap.ijustwantmyrestmybreakmy
sleepmyownpersonaltime.
nothingmorethanthat.justleavemealone
andiwouldbesoevergrateful.

2008-03-28T19:29:00.001+08:00

finally.
the week is over.
finally over.
one whole week of class at work.
one whole week of parents entering the class.
one whole week of hoping tt the children behave themselves.
finally, no need to worry so much already.
more worries yet to come.
shall take them a step at a time.

its been on my mind.
seems to be repeating itself over n over again.
i need a drink.
i want a drink.
i want to stop thinking.
cause i know the consequences of it.
shoo.
leave me alone.

2008-03-16T00:57:00.005+08:00

shall do some updating.
went to IT fair a week back and i finally got my camera!!
ixus 80 IS. woots!!
tt camera is so gonna be my lover for now.
anyway i put my camera into good use.
brought it along as the children went for their excursion to Ben and Jerry's.
we went to the one at United Square.
nthing much thou.
more like simply going there to have ice-cream with a whole bunch of children.
took lots of pics of my little ones.
finally some pics to share with u guys on my cutie pies.
enjoy =)

my K1 kids

the cheeky one of my - dylan

the love of my life - nygel

i wld like to still have another scoop of ice-cream

my babe - nikki

the little one - rohan

the 'big' boy in the baby class- jake

my german little girl - anna

one of my koala bear - tracy

my baby love - sharolyn

my handsome one - christiaan

2008-03-02T11:34:00.002+08:00

went back to sac yesterday.
has been a long time since i stepped into sch grounds.
feels good.
but the school changed a bit.
nt the same as what it is in the past.
most of the teachers tt taught us are gone.
principal changed.
the thing tt stays the same is the school hall and the chapel i suppose.
went back to our old classrooms to see see look look.
miss sitting at the last row with jocelyn n yuriko.
miss schooling days.
miss the days whereby we hid comics under the table to read during chinese lesson.
miss staying back for co practice.
those were the days.
memorable indeed.

having migraine these few days.
yesterday was bad.
hurting so badly.
slp doesnt seem to help at all.
tough to fall asleep.
and even if i were to be awake after a long slp,
it still doesnt go away.
fucked up.
hopefully it wld be better tml.
i still have to work.
sians.

2008-02-27T20:01:00.002+08:00

finally an outlet to flare abt work.
work is causing me n my colleague to be freaking stressed out.
very much due to the afternoon PN/N1 children.
they are driving us up the wall.
everyday whereby we sing our goodbye song is the best part of the day.
kana complaint by 2 of my children's parents today.
total fuck-ed up.
one is my own negligence.
the other one, i dont see y i kana complained for.

hello madame.
ur child is 3 years old this year.
just 3 years old.
how much do u want to expect frm ur child?
she is new to the centre, new to the class and new to having so many friends.
u want ur child to settle in fast.
so do i.
but hello each child is different and they have different needs.
dont compare her to her sis.
they are fucking DIFFERENT!!!
she able to settle into sunday church class n settling into sch is also different.
dont raise ur expectations of ur child.
u think we teachers wanna hear her cry thru out her 4 hrs there?
she aint crying for goodness sake.
she is just yanking away to have her shoes n going home.
faints.
and can the grandma respect us teachers a little more.
just cause u guys are the one paying the school fees (which in turn pays our wages at every mth end), doesnt mean tt u can forgo the basic respect for a human being.
dont u barge into my class just to peep at ur grandchild.
and then dont u just pull ur grandchild off after tt.
told u to give us a few mins and we will get ur grandchild ready very tough is it?
if tt grandchild of urs is so precious then pls just keep her at home.
it makes both of our lives easy isnt it?
we are here to educate ur child.
but if ur child doesnt wish to learn, it doesnt mean that we are incompetent.
it might just mean tt u spoil ur child too much.
i'm sorry to say this.
but seriously children nowadays are freakingly spoilt.
it aint loving ur child but more of spoiling them.
phew. one rant down one more to go.

hello madame once again.
we DID change ur child's diapers.
u think we are very free to go round checking all 23 children's diapers is it?
to see who poo and who did not.
ur child poo after we changed her and if we didnt smell anything,
u think we will check on her?
if u smelt something when i send her off,
u could question and check.
and i wld very automatically get her changed.
but someone was still happily standing at the door chit chatting with me abt ur child.
faints. seriously no comments.
the way ur child drinks her milk and gets it spilt isnt the first time already.
it happened since i got to know her and the first day in sch.
so why the fuck do u have to bring tt up?

the word stressed seems to be written on me and my colleagues faces.
parents tell us tt.
office ppl tell us tt.
so what if we are stressed and need more help?
the day still pass by the same.
another teacher in the class will definately mean increase in the number of children in my class.
so there a difference like tt?
enough of ranting.
if any parent were to chance upon my blog,
hi there. this is my blog.
i can rant anything tt i wish to.
just stating some facts in my job field.

2008-02-23T18:03:00.003+08:00

stop having the mind set tt i love being sick.
no i dont at all.
work is fucked up at the moment.
returning home i just wanna rest.
so stop asking me y do i keep feeling tired.
dont ask the obvious.
if u think it aint obvious then try out a day at my workplace.
i think u wld barely be able to take a day at my workplace.
so shut the fuck up.
i know what i m doing.
i know how my body is coping with all these shit.
i know when i m abt to fall sick n when i m totally a-ok.
stop telling me tt i dont know how to look after myself.
cause i fucking know how to just whether i wish to a not.
shut the fuck up when u dont know the facts.
i've had enough at work.
i just need some peace and breathing space.

2008-02-18T21:13:00.003+08:00

shall update due to weiling's request.
it is pure laziness tt cause me to be not updating.
the dong dong dong chiang is almost over.
goodies eaten are uncountable.
but its seriously shiok arh!
this new year have more ang bao to collect.
due to more cousins of mine getting married.
not forgetting seeing more babies around this year too.
indeed, the family is growing bigger.
shall let the photos do all the talking.

daddy and baby charlotte

daddy and baby megan

my family on the 1st day of cny

category: the singles

younger bro and me in the car while elder bro head to buy TOTO

yi jie and lexus

look closely and u will realise he is the one who replied all ur msges on msn on the 2nd day of new year =)

yi jie and i

house visiting to my 2nd home =)

after so long. a pic of the 3 of us.

candid shot provided by the ever so bored sw *bleah

my cam whore partner =)

can see tt she is getting kinda frustrated. but i'm enjoying it *hehe

she is indeed tired of it. while i m happily playing away.

a super duper brief thing on how i spend cny:
1st day went to visit my relatives as usual.
stayed at 1st aunt's place for dinner before heading home to ko.
2nd day went house visiting too and came back to wait for ppl to come.
plus wait for my mum's side relative to arrive.
makan n playing with the little ones.
3rd day went for hse visitings.
first place was to sw hse.
then to dani's place.
next to fio's place.
lastly was my place.
ppl who came to my place - sw, fio, dani and kiddo.
having dinner together my family plus friends plus kiddo was kinda weird.
a kind of feeling tt is hard to describe.
but it was great still =)
hang out at parkway after tt to chit chat plus do last minute shopping with fio.
on the 4th day stayed at home but met kiddo at night.
had dinner with kiddo's sec sch mate.
next was off to play pool.
has been a long time since i played.
sat there and watched them play in the end.

going to work on the 5th day of cny was great.
i missed my children badly.
after not seeing them for 5 days.
i must be crazy. haha.
head for a movie with kiddo after work - sweeny todd.

to me it was a great musical.
but it wasnt a great movie if u are looking for a great plot.
the storyline seems to be so predictable.
this is a cheaper price to pay if u are a musical go-er.
vdae was just another day.
no point going out cause everything is expensive.
went home after work and i ko-ed so quickly.
too drained out by the children tt week.
(thanx kiddo for the advance vdae gift *smiles)

weekend was draining.
with all the unexpected stuffs and all the tears.
glad tt everything is more or less settled for now.
what holds in the future will have to wait now.
im just gonna take one step at a time.

on a heavier note: i m gonna start schooling soon.
july pls dont come so quickly.
i m nt mentally prepared yet.

2008-01-30T20:23:00.001+08:00

it has been a long long time since i updated i guess.
DONG DONG DONG QIANG is round the corner once more.
this year would be a little different i guess.
lesser yummy food to consume.
dont have mummy's specialty to eat this year. *sigh

anyway, life has been so-so.
work life is kinda alrite if u close both eyes.
personal life is nt tt bad too ( 'mai hiam bei pai' kinda thing).
starting to love the new children in the playgroup class.
especially MINE!
adorable at times.
cheeky at times.
noisy at times.
monsters at times.
stubborn at times.
demanding at times.
sticky at times.
irritating at times.
BUT i still LOVE them so.
(hopefully some pics of them another day)

i m a happy kid as of now.
met up with the co peeps nt long ago.
met up with a few of my poly mates a week back.
i miss my friends BIG TIME.
more meet ups pls.
esp FIONA TEO HUI MIN.
and tt GOH SI WEI!! (where have u die to?)
MEET UP HOR!!

2008-01-10T10:16:00.000+08:00

oh wells.
how great can 2008 be?
down with intestine virus (god knows what is it. tt's what the doc says.)
company doctor sucks.
pay so much to see the doc and he didnt give me medication for fever.
fever shot up to 39.3 last nite and forced me to go to another doc.
on top of tt company doc never give me mc for work today.
*points middle finger.
but thank god the other doc did.
waste my money and time.
better get well by friday.
i want to attend lynn's wedding on saturday.
been looking forward to it ever since she smsed me to tell me.

i hate the discomfort la!!!

2007-12-31T08:48:00.000+08:00

one last entry to mark the end of 2007.
not forgetting to welcome year 2008.
not really welcoming it with open arms.
but oh wells, whether i want to welcome 2008 or not, it wld still come.
shall do some recap on what happened for my year 2007.

getting busy with open house and iep project.
graduated frm ngee ann (finally. after 3 years of study.)
carried out the very first FOC camp for sch of HMS.
stepped into the working world and travel everyday frm eunos to bukit gombak.
my very first job as a childcare teacher at little footprints school house.
4 mths later changed my job.
brighton wld be a place whereby i will stay for at least a year n 3 mths before leaving.
(cause i m under contract.)
my first concert with the children @ NTUC auditorium.
more screwed up days at workplace (no need to elaborate).
mum entering the hospital.
godpa passing away.
all the happenings kind of mark an end to 2007.
may 2008 be a better one.

the craze of doing iep at ser's place.

we went for our NAPFA =)

the game we played as we head to old fort factory.

it aint break. there is tutorial going on yet see the amt of ppl going for 'toilet break'.

enst3 =)

we are the loyal 'customers' of HMS.

things to do in tutorial when u are bored - sudoku!

gossiping session when the lecturer is conducting lesson.

frm a small group to a big group. haha.

our trip to seletar camp =)

the big HMS family

the lovely one who helped me out a great deal for the camp *hugs

mx and me while ms chong is giving the speech.

my little fat fat - sherman

more pictures to be uploaded another day =)

2007-12-27T18:52:00.000+08:00

his last journey, my last goodbye.
the tears tt i expect to flow did nt appear.
they were just so obedient and controlled.
'he will never come back anymore'
the only phrase that godma keep saying to herself.
which caused her to break into a heartbreaking cry.
the last glimpse of him was so vague.
i rather remember how he looked like when he was alive,
than to remember how he looked like when he lie there with no expression.

my heart cant feel a thing now.
numbed by all the happenings in my life.
can there be a fullstop to it now?

2007-12-24T19:13:00.000+08:00

i'm not in the mood for x'mas.
such joyous season yet i cant feel it at all.
falling sick is one thing.
loosing someone so close is another.
not forgetting regretting in having one late night out.
thoughts are non-stop flowing into my pea brain.
can things stop for a moment and let me breathe.
much more affected with the second one.
i saw how brave my godma is.
but i know soon i will see those tears tt she tries so hard to control.
i dread the days passing by me.
i dread thursday frm coming.
cause i cant face the fact.
he doesnt look like the person i once knew.
the person lying there isnt him.
i miss him.
i miss him bad.

this x'mas isnt a bit merry at all.
y does it seem tt i m loosing something each passing day?

2007-12-23T15:55:00.000+08:00

the rain is pouring hard on the outside.
while on the inside, it is raining hard too.
right now, i cant feel the pain.
maybe i've yet to accept reality.
till i see with my own eyes.
so many things are taking place within the past few mths.
are there more to come or m i nearing the end?
live is so short.
just so short tt it is hard to predict when is the end.
when i walked to the end of my life,
where will i be lead to?
someone who loves me left me.
someone who saw me grow up left me.
i love u godpa.
and i will continue to love u so.

this time round i stopped in my tracks.
wondering whether the dead will know what is happening to those tt are alive.

2007-12-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

I MISS MY FRIENDS!!!

just read some friends blog and saw a big hoo haa on their blogs.
frm besties to enemies.
must tt really take place?

just want to tell all of my friends out there:
I MISS ALL OF U AND I LOVE U GUYS TO BITS!!
for being understanding tt i m going a very rough time now.
for being concern abt me and asking me how i m now n then.
for asking me out to chill so tt i need nt be hard on myself.
for letting me know tt i m only 8 digits away frm u guys.
thanx so much my dear friends =)
i appreciate each and everyone of u *muacks.
dont forget abt janice thou i might be mia-ing now due to home.

2007-11-25T11:19:00.000+08:00

i hate staying at home.
i hate facing all the shit at home.
i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.

2007-11-24T22:30:00.000+08:00

it has been a long time since i stepped into orchard area.
a sense of unfamiliarity ran over me as i stepped into orchard after so long.
xmas is round the corner and all the decorations are up.
somehow or another i cant really feel the excitement of xmas this year.
so much things has happened.
so much things are still happening.
heard this song while getting stuffs for my mum in town today:
'all i want for Christmas is my two front teeth ...'
yet all i want for this xmas is for everything to be back to normal.
thou i myself know best tt it is impossible.
but i m still hoping.
still holding onto tt little hope.
hoping tt mum will recover quickly.
hoping tt dad will recover quickly.
hoping tt life will be the way is was in the past quickly.

younger bro was like asking me:
so sis, u going to continue studying right?
all i can answer him was:
yes. i m suppose to continue my studies next year.
but m i able to do so when everything at home is like tt?
how will i be able to cope?
maybe nt how will i cope but how with this home become of.
i know tt i aint so strong to handle to much things at a go.
who the fuck do i discuss this with?
my mum? my dad?
they wld be the one paying for my education.
but now, i feel bad getting them to fork out tt amt for me to study when i myself know my mum's medical bills is rocket high.
maybe it is still too early to decide whether to study.
when the application date draws nearer then i shall think abt it.
no use getting myself so stressed up.

work is nt totally happy n stress free.
but it seems to be a place whereby i m more willing to go to now.
nt tt i m totally in love with brighton.
its just tt work is the place whereby i run away frm problems at home.
i really wonder how my younger bro did tt.
staying at home 24/7 and taking in all the shit.
everyone is telling me to take a break frm all these once in a while.
allow myself to go out n relax.
but how to?
the guilt is so hard to overcome.
the guilt of heading out to breathe a little more normally n enjoy myself.
impossible to get the mind to stop thinking frm things at home.
it wld just drift back home n wonder whether everything is fine at home.

no more indulging in self pity.
time to face reality n add a little smile on my face.
be it fake or real.

2007-11-20T21:55:00.001+08:00

there is a chinese saying tt says: 商场如战场
but to me it is pretty much different.
heading to work everyday early in the morning is just like a battle.
upon returning home, it is another long battle to fight.
as the days past, the battle gets more intensified.
to my friends out there, thanx for ur concern.
i m doing much better as compared to the past few days.

a little message to all my friends out there.

co peeps: girls, i will try my best to appear during the xmas gathering. thou i might have told via tt i m going but if suddenly something happens at home, i hope u guys can understand.

enst3: it has been some time since we met. i hope u guys are doing fine. much misses. do take lots of care yar. hopefully we are able to meet up some day.

fu nai: girl thanx a lot for the calls u made late at night. those little chats, those words of encouragement. 50 cent per hour how abt tt? hehe. i miss u loads. do take care n save up for boston trip to buy me something back yar (jking). meet up sometime k.

dy, liza, deb: dont think u guys will be able to read it. i miss u peeps loads. it has been a long time. i want kopi sessions at coffee bean or starbucks again. do take lots of care too yar. misses.

fio: thanx for every small little thing tt u have done ever since my mum's incident. know tt u are now busy with exams n stuffs. pls do take lots of care during this period. know u keep falling sick so u better rest well n drink more water k. dont make me worry yar. we indeed have to chill after ur exams. (ps: i love the roses =) )

sw: where have u been!! thanx for being there thou in the end u did nt accompany me for dinner the other time. nt sure how's things been for u but work hard at work n do take lots of care yar.

the silly one: thanx for being so understanding during this period of time. for tolerating all my mood swings, my nonsense, my unreasonable times and my inability to think in ur position. i know it hasnt been easy for u too. all the shit at work plus all the shit frm me. thanx for still standing by me all these while. *loves

a long battle it will be.
it has just started.
hopefully it will end in 6 mths time.
crossing fingers and praying hard.

2007-11-19T14:49:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i post a decent post.
year end concert for the kiddos at brighton is finally over.
one event down and no more dancing for the children.
it is like a torture to them too.
poor little ones.
and yes i got my DRIVING LICENSE ALREADY!!
*YEAH! tt means vroom vroom ... off i go in the car.
coming to terms to the reality of life.
in hope tt this way round i myself will feel better.

2007-11-15T21:02:00.000+08:00

我讨厌现在的生活。
讨厌现在的一切。
说再多也没用。
说再多也改变不了事实。
只能接受。
最讨厌和认识的人碰面。
最讨厌自己的笑脸。
最讨厌强迫自己把事实撇开，假装没事发生。
这样的生活好痛苦。
这一切不会那么快结束。
内心的挣扎好多好多。
目前好想快点拿到执照。
这样一来，我就有一个减压的方法。

2007-11-13T22:00:00.000+08:00

the battle is gonna be long.
i thought tt it would end in a few mths time.
maybe just 3 more mths.
but nope.
it wld be at least half a year more.
and hopefully by then everything will be back to normal.
it is just the 3rd week and i m hoping badly tt time pass faster.
thinking tt after the op at least she wld be better.
in a sense tt she wld be free frm cancerous cells.
yet after the check up, she needs to go for chemo.
chemo will last for 6 mths.
the moment the treatment starts more stuffs will start happening.
the thought of it just drives me nuts.
not knowing y but i just so hope tt this falls on me instead.
cause it is just getting so so fucking tiring.
and i m getting more n more irritated easily.
work on one hand is shit.
but i love going to work.
it is like an escaping route.
i need not be home the whole day and facing the whole situation.
i just cant stand such stress.

tears just appear due to the tiredness.
tears appear due to the additional stress tt is taking place at home.
so lost, so tired, so many things to be done.
and all she could tell me is tt no one in the family is allowed to fall sick the next 6 mths.
the next 6 mths during her chemo treatment, she have to be in tip top condition.
and all of us are expected to be totally healthy too.
how the fuck mi suppose to not fall sick the next 6 mths?
it aint a few weeks.
it is half a year.
it is fucking tough for me nt to fall sick.
working in childcare environment, germs pass very quickly when one child falls sick.
plus needing to cope with work n things at home, its impossible for me nt to fall sick the next 6 mths.
now, u are the queen n all of us have to listen to u.
have u ever thought of my feelings.
have u ever wonder tt i could feel tired at times too?
have u ever wonder how much i feel like crying yet i cant?
this whole thing sucks.

if this is heredity, i aint gonna do health check at all.
i rather not know and enjoy life than to cure it.
can i still further my studies next year?
cause i know the medical expenses cost a bomb for her 6 mths chemo.
one day when i m unable to control my feelings and emotions, i wonder what i wld do.

2007-11-05T19:07:00.000+08:00

i hate work.
i hate home.
i hate life.
i hate everything tt is taking place now.

2007-11-03T21:19:00.000+08:00

i m tired!
i need a chill badly!!!

2007-11-01T21:59:00.000+08:00

drained out totally.
the days are passing by.
everyday after work, the place i go wld be the hosp.
so much things on my mind.
so much things to be done.
just hoping tt such days can be over and done with.
which is pretty impossible.
whatever it is, i still got to hang in there.

2007-10-28T10:39:00.000+08:00

my life revolve around the hospital right now.

2007-10-26T07:28:00.000+08:00

gonna mia real soon.
just one more day for me to be still online blogging.
wonder when will everything be back to normal.
life and weekends will be more running back n forth hospital.
sheesh.
jia you ba.

2007-10-22T19:06:00.000+08:00

time for me to open up my eyes while on the road.
not forgetting to keep my mind off all stuffs too while i'm on the road.
no more thinking and staring into space if i want to continue breathing.
today, i'm just pure lucky to be here blogging.
what might happen the next second god knows.

-end-

2007-10-18T22:00:00.000+08:00

i realise something.
i fell sick since bestie's bdae.
till now i haven recover.
how irritating.
cough mixtures, flu mixtures, on n off fever.
it just pisses me off to the max at times.
sick yet have to pull myself to work.
work has been alright.
as long as both eyes are closed, work is fine.
as long as i do my job and dont talk so much, everything is still ok.
one of the chinese teacher said this to me a few days ago:
你看起来还做得满开心的吗。
all i could do was to smile at her and act blur.
it made me wonder, m i happy working at brighton.
and my answer is nope.
i aint happy working at brighton.
brighton is a place whereby i realise my professionalism level is pretty high.
the moment i stepped into brigton i m just another person.
someone who doesnt talk a lot with my colleagues.
(maybe i talk a little more to some of them only).
someone whom just does what she is suppose to do.
someone whom spend a lot of time with the children instead.
nt totally happy but just accepting reality.

been busy these few days.
with work, with trainings and my usual driving.
driving test is nearing the corner.
crossing my fingers hard tt i will pass on the first time.
so tt i need not spend another sum of my money.
montessori tests are coming up.
time for me to study in the midst of my very very tight schedule.
time to hit the library for a quiet corner during the weekends.
trying not to count the days if not time will be damn hard to pass.
body is draining out a little when this week is coming to an end.
mon, tues and thurs returning home late is a little torturous.
may december come quickly whereby my training will end.
but tt will mark my abt to start degree course.
by then i hope i wont sink.
*cross fingers.

2007-10-13T03:10:00.000+08:00

i think wherever i go, i will just fall sick.
first i was down with cough like nearing for 3 weeks le.
the came the flu the start of this week.
so now when the weekends come, i m stuck with flu, cough and fever!
how wonderful.
gotta spend my weekends at home.
total boredom.
but i think it is a good chance for me to catch up on my slp n fasterly recover.
this time round it is just taking so long to recover.
total sianess.

anyway got fucked upside down by boss and friday.
totally sian to get fucked tt way on a friday.
ahem.
how i wish i could say:
just because u are in a snappy mood, u cant treat the teacher and children tt way.
which principal of any centres actually reprimand the teachers in front of the children.
which principal raise her voice so loudly at the children when they cant meet ur expectations.
montessori teaching isnt it all abt working at the child's pace?
these children are just 4 years old only.
wanting them to remember the dance step isnt easy.
nt tt it isnt easy.
it is just tt u come to the school on a tuesday to change the steps.
then come again on friday to see them perform n change the steps again.
within 2 days the children manage to master the steps u wanna change at first.
then on friday when u change the steps, u wanna see the child dance immediately.
wtf is tt?
stop treating the teachers and the children as ur puppets.
they aint ur fucking puppets at all.
and i dont see y in the world do u have to come shooting at me on friday only.
dell was in the room too and aint she and i doing the same thing u wanted?
when the child doesnt want to move n i on my part trying to drag them frm a place to another, u call me man handling them.
when i dont drag them, u say tt i m nt listening to ur instructions.
hello. i m listening but at the end of the day, do u think the children know what they are suppose to do.
all i can say is tt u are fucking cruel.
make the child practice for nearing 2 hours and only giving them a short break in between.
i cant stand ur working attitude.
thou ur motto to teachers is: just fucking do it.
but is tt the way ur treat the children too?
u lost my respect for u totally.
be open to the centre and take in the positive things.
tt what you told me.
u wait yar.
nothing in the centre is positive.
the backstabbings, the hypocritical colleagues, the politics.
no wonder those teachers who left the centre are so eager to leave.
enough said.

2007-10-06T12:13:00.000+08:00

i realise a trend.
ppl closest to my heart love to leave me silently, quietly, without any reasons given.
end.

janice will be going on a hiatus frm now till god knows when.

2007-10-05T07:31:00.000+08:00

on the surface: everything seems fine.
deep down within: i wish to know how i m feeling.

smile.smile.smile.
brainwashing time!

2007-10-03T22:18:00.000+08:00

working life has been alrite i guess.
but somehow or another i seem to be stressing myself out a little unnecessary.
yet, i worry tt i might do the things incorrectly.
then best part is no one seems to be there to correct me if i m wrong.
oh wells.
plus all the other teachers are busy.
this one taking leave tt one taking leave.
this one on mc that one on mc.
due to hari raya near the corner, the leave taking is like more frequent.
endure endure endure!!!
the past two days have just been tiring for me.
i hit the bed so freaking early at around 8 plus or 9?
not too sure whether the body can take it a not.
whatever it is gotta hang in there.
at least a year more to go.
but i do enjoy teaching my this bunch of students.
it gives me a kind of satisfaction to see them learn.
to see them progressing frm one level to the next.

tml will be one long day.
wonder what time i wld reach home after training.
the coming week will be tiring too.
with training on monday, tuesday and thursday.
all this shit will end one day.
just endure a little more yar.
be a little stronger that's what u need to do.
smile a little more (hopefully i m able to).
guess when its time to make my new year resolution next year,
it wld just be so different frm how it have always been for the past years.
i must enjoy each second i have with the children.
no more regrets like the past.
once is enough.

on the happier side, i went back to visit the kids at footprints on 1st october.
their screams of 'teacher janice' fills the air.
it felt so good to see them and to hear them call me.
what saddens me is that there were a lot of children who were absent.
yet, i got to see baby xavier and yi yun.
hear frm them that after i left, no one got baby xavier to say 'i love you' with actions.
but i was glad tt little fella manage to remember when i made him say it to me.
yi yun is still calling me 'lao shi' the way he always does.
colleagues were still as nice.
i still owe xiao wang a date to town.
hearts them all.
time there with colleagues and children were just so short.
it felt great to hear from parents that they miss my presence there.
i still manage to get a teacher's day present on 1st october.
charmaine's grandma saw me when she pick charmaine up.
she rushed back home to get the present tt was meant for me and came back to school.
such sweet parents and grandparents <3
wait for me children.
i will visit u guys again on the 19th nov.
i miss u all so so so much.

2007-09-29T11:07:00.000+08:00

finally i m back on land after the teacher's retreat onboard star cruise virgo.
all i can say is tt i m still feeling a little dizzy standing on normal land.
cause when i was onboard, the boat was a little shaky.
when u are slping, ur bed is also shaking due to the boat moving.
having meals with everything shaking slightly isnt what i wish for.
now tt i m back on normal grounds, the floor still seems a little shaky to me.
sians. oh wells.
the trip is alrite.
got to know my colleagues better.
touched on topics tt we will never touch on if we were working.
but still within me, i felt the distance between me n my colleagues.
brighton just seems to be a very complicated place with a lot of complicated ppl.
no matter how simple they may look outside,
there are just too much things going thru their minds.
ppl whom i must keep a distance with.
now i understand what it means tt u cant have true friends in ur workplace.
this shall be how it will be thru my work days in brighton.
i shall try my best to be who i m.
but it is tough cause in brighton i seem to talk much lesser.

i miss working at footprints.
miss the friendship and the bond between all teachers.
it was just so comfortable over there.
a place whereby i know no matter how many centres i were to go,
i wld still go back to footprints to visit the teachers and my children.
memories of working at footprints are just wonderful.
while in brighton it seems to be a place whereby i just fucking get what i need to do done and head home for a good rest.
aint tt i dislike the place.
but its a place whereby i go to work just to get what needs to be done finished up.
the only loves i have over there are the children.
love for the children will always be the same.
oh wells.
a little worried with tuesday approaching.
bring it on ba.
as time pass i will get used to the materials.
just wanna provide those children the best.
jia you ba!!!

and yes i m sick the moment i m back in sg.
down with damn bad cough.
at first it was slight cough.
went on cruise n it worsen.
on top of tt had a bad rash last nite.
guess it is either due to the mattress onboard the cruise.
oh wells.
it spread thru out my whole body.
oh crap.
how it will go off soon.

2007-09-22T17:45:00.000+08:00

finally a week has past.
this week was freaking busy for me.
tires me a hell lot tt my body is screaming for me to take a rest.
monday was a usual head to work n home day.
tuesday after work had training till around 8 plus.
by the time i reach home it was already 8.45pm.
wednesday was a hectic yet enjoyable day.
it was kiddo's 21st.
rush to bugis to help edmund to do some last min shopping.
then met him at bugis before rushing to city hall.
before we were to meet kiddo, the 2 of us were like in a mad rush to finish doing up an album for kiddo.
in the end manage to meet kiddo only at 7.30pm.
our surprise for kiddo went down the drain a little.
had dinner together and off we went home.
reached home at around 10pm.
thursday had training after work.
training dragged all the way till 9pm.
by the time i reach home it was nearing 10pm.
got real high during training due to high sugar level and being freaking tired.
friday head home straight after work before we left hse for lyna's jie baby's 1st mth celebration.
reached home at around 10 plus again.
today woke up at the usual time and head to work.
didnt had a good nite slp.
woke up at 3am n couldnt get back to slp.
went to work for parents' teacher meeting.
thank god i need not speak to the parents.
teacher carol did all those since she is still in the centre.
was damn tired after tt.
and later i still need to head to cousin's place to celebrate latern festival.
tired tired tired!!!

while i played with baby megan last nite, i was just so happy.
her innocence.
her smile.
her giggles.
her frowns.
everything abt her, i loved it so much.
while today, i saw the worries some parents have over a change in teacher.
teacher carol has been in brighton for the past 2 years plus.
their child has followed her for the past 2 years.
i know how attached they are to her.
and i know how new i m to the centre and to the field.
but pls dont doubt my passion over teaching ur child.
dont doubt my capability in this field.
i might be new.
i might be unfamiliar with the materials present in brighton.
but i m trying my best to learn and to get closer to ur children.
ur children will be in good hands.
cause no matter how much i dont like the politics going on in the centre,
i still love each and every child and my passion for this field is still burning.

suddenly i wish for a baby of my own
want to educate my own child
want to know how my own child might look like
oh wells
these are just my dreams

2007-09-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

work is totally shitty today.
i just dunno what to say abt it.
i got no idea what to say abt this current centre.
it is a love hate r/ship.
i still love teaching.
love teaching the children
but i hate all the politics.
i hate all the fakeness presence in each and everyone.
i hate having the need to look out for certain ppl.
y cant life just be simple.
y cant work be more enjoyable.
must it really be the case of entering workplace as a total different person?
must it be like tt?

it is indeed tough to hold on to one's passion.
the things u face in workplace.
the pressure u face at home.
driving me nuts a little.
sometimes it is good to just shut up all the way.
whatever.
i m tired.
i m pissed.

2007-09-09T01:35:00.000+08:00

saw a scene tt made me smiled while travelling on the train.
this family of 5 boarded the train.
the family includes the dad, mum, older bro (around P5 or 6) and two younger bro around the age of 3 or 4.
older bro n one of the younger ones found a seat to sit (directly in front of me).
their parents and the other younger bro sat in another section of the cabin.
during the trains journey, the elder bro held out a rubber band trying to teach his younger bro.
using the rubber bands, he tried to teach his bro how to transform it into a star shape.
basically, it was just too tough for the small little fella to learn.
but the elder bro was just so patient in teaching him.
then came this uncle who sat beside them.
he saw tt the 2 children were playing n decided to show them some tricks.
the younger one finds it fascinating while the older one wanted to learn the tricks.
the next thing tt happened was seeing the younger one passing the uncle the rubber band.
think he told the uncle: now its my turn to teach you.
then he starts to show the uncle what he could do.
whatever the young one did wasnt a trick at all.
just some little acts of playing with a rubber band.
yet, he tried so hard to show it to the uncle.
tt's what made me smile.

while looking at the child, i began thinking of my children at footprints.
their rants which always makes me annoyed.
their innocence which makes me laugh or smile all the time.
their difficulty to convey their message makes me fit the right words for them.
thou i'm still working with children now, the feeling is just different.
my misses for those children at footprints are still so great.
all these takes time.
but when will the day come whereby i change my hp display pic of yi yun to another child at brighton?
when will the day come when i start taking pictures of the children at brighton.
yet, i cant be unfair to these children tt will be under me.
missing my past children doesnt mean i can provide lesser love to the current ones.
maybe i m pushing myself too hard to let go.
maybe i m pushing myself too much to blend in.
maybe i m pushing myself too much to love the current children.
maybe i m too unwilling to let the past 4 mths fade off.
maybe i m setting too high an expectation that things in the current centre will just be like the past one.
unwilling to let the memories fade off for fear i forgot the children's name.

i just hope one day i will start loving to head to work.
hoping that one day i will fall for everything at brighton.
cause all the misses and expectations i have is driving me nuts.
making my heart ache a little the moment i sees children.
let this be over.

2007-09-07T21:02:00.000+08:00

i realise it is tough to let go of the things tt appeared in ur life for 4 mths.
or shld i put it this way.
something i cherished so much for 4 mths shld be let go soon.
somehow or another, i miss the times i had.
thou it was tiring in one way or another, at least i was a little happier.
maybe all i needed was to get used to the current centre.
trying so hard to get use to everyone n the children.
yet, i cant feel the warmth i had previously.
i shldnt compare.
neither shld i rant over here.
but i seriously miss my children so much.
the misses never did decrease.
it increases everyday.
as each day past, how i hope the children gave me a rang.
calling me up n telling me tt they missed me.
but the call never did come at all.
the past week seemed like a year to me.
passing so slowly.
one part of me tt never did change at all.
still disliking changes.
and hating it to the core.

yet another problem arise.
stucked in between with no where to go.
hoping for the best yet knowing what the result might be like.
the need to waste a few hundred bucks makes me feel totally sianed.
not a few dollars but a few hundred bucks.
i cant help but to keep thinking in my own shoes only.
call me egocentric. i aint gonna care.
cause i cant seem to understand y it isnt approved.
does a few hours off frm work matter so much?
i just wanna get it over n done with n stop spending so much money on something i didnt want to start learning at all.
it is indeed bothering me a lot.
no matter how much i dont wish to think abt it, it just appears.
and when it appears, i just wanna solve it asap.
but it seemed tt it cant be possibly solved.
crossing my fingers tt i can do something abt it tml.

right now life is totally yucky.
just hoping tt when next week comes i will be busy with all the training plus driving lessons.
hopefully i will busy to the extend tt i can stop thinking.
to stop feeling sad.
to stop feeling redundant.
to stop feeling bored.

whenever i think of my children.
i kept feeling that in their little minds, they feel that teacher janice abandoned them.
never let them know before leaving.
how much i dote them,
how much i love them,
they shld know the best.
but how long will they remember me?

2007-09-03T19:49:00.000+08:00

first day at brighton montessori.
no more long mrt journey to bukit gombak frm today onwards.
no more walking pass the wet market the moment i reach bukit gombak.
no more climbing up 3 flights of steps.
no more hearing of : "TEACHER JANICE blah blah blah" when i enter the centre.
no more arranging the tables over again every morning.
no more observing the cheeky acts of my children.
no more hearing my children's complain every morning.
no more slamming of the cupboard.
no more switching off the lights to get the attention of the children.
no more shouting on top of my voice to scold the children.
yet, i m missing my children so badly.
i m missing those loves of mine in little footprints.
i miss hearing baby xavier calling me mummy and saying i love to me.
i miss hearing baby yi yun calling me lao shi and running towards me to let me carry him.
i miss asking my children to line up in a straight line for me to kiss and hug them and vice versa.
when will i see them again?
how can i convey my misses?
thru tears again i suppose.

colleagues at brighton montessori seems nice.
they are pretty much guiding me along.
especially teacher dell and teacher sharon.
teacher esther is nice so is teacher anitha.
teacher fi seems very unapproachable for the moment.
but heard tt she is quite a crazy person if u know her well.
children over there are very well behaved.
there is no need for u to scream n shout at them.
some of the children are pretty adorable.
just hoping to get used to all the changes.
hoping to blend in and keep my misses of my children to myself.

i will get used to the changes i suppose.

2007-08-31T22:42:00.000+08:00

30th august 2007.
my last day at Little Footprints Schoolhouse.
on the journey to work, i began to feel tt i will miss the long journey tt i always do take to get to my workplace.
it wld definitely be missed.
thou tiring yet somehow or another, i feel tt i m so gonna miss travelling to work like tt.
upon reaching workplace, the day went on normally.
just nice it was the eve before teachers' day (the centre was open today due to teacher's retreat),
the children came forth one by one to give us our teachers' day presents.
i recieved one whole bagful of gifts frm the children.
just went i settle the children down and wanting to start my lesson,
jun yi began his usual 'teacher janice i tell u something. just now ...'
there he would go complaining over the smallest matter.
at that instant, i know tt i wld miss him.
miss the little rantings he kept pestering me with.
i just stared at him blankly and for the first time, i realise how cute he is when he tries so very hard to get a complain across to me.
tears began to appear and i sat there crying in front of my children.
thou i know being a teacher, one must control all their emotions and not bring it into work.
but at tt point in time, i just couldnt control it any longer.
the tears just kept rolling down my cheeks.
while the children just look on n kept asking me y i m crying.
some even frown as they looked at me.

drying my tears, i started the lesson with them and how i wished i could always hear them sing the songs to me.
when michelle, shu yee and rev left the centre during noon time, they made me cry once more.
they have always been looking after me.
we were friends, colleagues and so much more.
will indeed miss them a lot.
after crying spree head back into the class to teach the afternoon children.
the moment i stepped in n see them playing, i started crying.
wang lao shi just kept: stop crying in front of me. i hate to see ppl cry.
yet in actual fact, tt silly xiao wang was crying away in a corner.
tt made my heart ache a little more.
my last day at the centre and i realise that there are so much things whereby i cant let go.
so many ppl whom i cherish are all over there.
those children whom i bonded with for over the past 4 mths.
we bonded so well to the extend tt they know me and my teaching style.
those parents whom i say hi and bye to every morning.
those parents whom i love working with cause we just wanna give the children the best.
i miss all of them. miss them a lot. so much so that it ached.
5.30pm came so quickly.
my last goodbyes and the last sight of all the ppl whom i m so familiar with after 4 mths.
4 mths is indeed short. but our friendship with one another is just hard to describe.
left pretty quickly cause i m so afraid to cry in front of my colleagues once again.
it aches so much to leave there.
i hate separation yet i chose this.

been trying to control those tears of mine.
cause till now, i m still missing those kiddos of mine.
those angels in disguise whom i love dearly.
teacher janice never did abandoned u.
i never intended to abandon all of u.
yet to me it seems as if that choice of mine in ur little eyes is known as abandonment.
i hope all of u understand how painful this separation is to me.
hope all of u remember the happy times we had together.
the times whereby we played together.
the times whereby we smiled together.
the times whereby i made all of u line up in a straight row and hug me, kiss me and say i love u to me.
at the same time i did that back to each and every single one of u.
i never did love u lesser after u misbehaved urself.
i never did stop loving u when i scolded u guys for doing something wrong.
teacher janice loved u and always will.

these are my children whom i will remember for life.
jun yi: the little boy who never fails to tell me every single thing tt their friend did wrong
jean koh: the girl whom is changing for the better and knowing all my likes and dislikes of their behaviour
tracey: she never fails to show the sad looking face when i leave the class angrily threatening not to return anymore
jessalynn: my bright little girl whom does her work nicely and is very outspoken
sherman: my fat fat whom i adore a lot. love to see him cry cause tt's when he will look the cutest
marcus: the boy of mine who cry over the slightest issue even thou u never scold him
priscilla: my understanding girl who never fail to help me every morning with the arranging of tables and chairs
valerie: my artistic child who is able to draw very well without anyone's help.
you jie: the child who is so attached to me tt she will cry the moment she doesnt see me at the initial stage
ashley: my little girl who's command for english is very strong.
cassandra: the quietest child in my class. a very sweet girl indeed.
ying wei: the child who has the biggest eyes in my class and very bright too.
regina: my little love whom never fail to does her work seriously.
yi ying: my china little girl who feels the most comfortable in speaking chinese to me.
chermain: my act quiet but not quiet child in actual fact.

i will miss them calling me teacher janice.
i will miss the times whereby we sing songs together.
i will miss the times whereby we smile so happily together.
i will miss their cheekiness and their well behaved self.
i will miss xavier's: 'mummy! i love u!' (with actions) , 'mummy! 抱抱!'
i will miss yi yun who will never fail to come to me when i call out bao bei.
these 2 little babies are my angels.
they dote on me so much tt they will fight with children who 'bullies' me.

children, do remember me.
cause i will never forget any of you.
all of you meant so much to me.

2007-08-23T19:34:00.000+08:00

has been a long time since i posted an entry.
anyway, i fell sick AGAIN.
it seems like i have been falling sick once every mth.
yes, i m indeed getting bored of my totally-no-immune-system-body.
who in the world fall sick every single mth?
JANICE SIM JIE YIN.
believe it or not.
i think this is first time in my entire life tt i spend so much on medication.
soon i will be a drug addict due to all the medication i took.
not forgetting the body check ups i went for.
i went for 2 body check ups.
reason y. cause the current centre and the future centre asked me to go for it.
and the report actually showed tt i m totally fine.
i the report is cheating my feelings la.
how can be totally ok when i fall sick so frequently.

on thing i realise.
I HATE TO HAVE FLU AND COUGH AT THE SAME TIME!
due to the flu u cant freaking breathe.
so half of the time u are breathing thru ur mouth.
and due to the freaking cough tt irritates ur throat, u cant stop coughing.
so how in the world am i suppose to fucking breathe!
good question but i think i m still alive after being sick for the past 3 or 4 days.
the worst thing is tt no matter how sick i am now, i cant be absent for work.
y is tt so? cause they dont have enough teachers!
if i were to be on mc, the poor lao shi will have to take nearing 50 students.
right now we are splitting the load.
the children dont sympathize me at all.
still as playful, still as noisy. but i still love them.

last night was indeed coughing very badly before i fell asleep.
chest hurting like fuck due to coughing too hard.
right side neck seem to be strained due to me coughing too hard for a long period of time.
damn the cough la.
after i recover, i think it is time to build up my immune system.
time to exercise and make myself healthy.
tt's all for now =)

2007-08-12T22:36:00.000+08:00

how did i spend my day on 12th august?
the day didnt start off pretty well at all.
first of all i didnt slp much due to the cough tt is bugging me the whole nite.
next, mum is sick so she was a little cranky.
then swept the whole house, plus helping my mum to mop the floor.
yes yes. i cant imagine tt i have to mop the floor on my bdae.
noon came and i went to meet dear ah wei.
went down to taka to change the skirt enst3 gave me.
hey girls, sorry to tell u guys tt i changed the skirt to two other tops.
cause i dont think i will wear tt skirt out often.
hang in the shop for quiet a while with those salesgirls who have a little attitude problem.
it aint me, even sw thinks so too.

after this, sw began to go according to plan.
just tt their plan backfire due to fio falling sick.
next, head to ramen ten at far east for lunch.
practically walking around after tt frm one place to another.
sw said wanna watch movie so i tot he wanted to head to lido to watch.
in the end the 2 of us walked different directions.
so was asking him where he wanna catch the movie.
tt guy was like i wanna go GV to watch cause i like their seats.
oh wells what can i say.
in the end we ended up at vivo city.
as tt ass didnt had his lunch, he say wanna go food republic to makan.
so up we went and he change his mind to go sentosa.
i was ranting n ranting on y do we have to go sentosa.
first it is freaking hot.
second i was wearing jeans and long sleeved top.
but bo bian. have to go along with him.
took the monorail into sentosa.
went walking all over the place.
from one place to another.
take this tram n tt tram.
in simple terms, we seem to be wandering soul.
but it was nice to finally hit the beach and feel the sun on you.
thank god i changed into the top tt i went to swap at taka.
if nt i wld have gotten a heat stroke.
took the skyride with tt sw.
crap and shoot each other lame jokes.
after tt we tried to be tourist to ask for directions.
cause i got no idea where the hell sw wants to go.
ask him, he dont wanna say.
just ask me to follow can le.
so i just follow him.
last stop was tanjong beach.
got down the tram and walk heading to the beach.
i was more focused onto the sand cause i didnt want it to get into my shoes.
when i looked up, i saw kiddo.

this when i realise all these were planned.
dunno whether i shld be happy tt fio fell sick.
if she didnt fall sick, i would have to go to lots of places before ending up at sentosa.
places such as little india so on n so forth.
whatever it is, i indeed enjoyed myself a lot today.
thanx sw to be the soul survivor to carry out this plan.
plus tolerating all my nonsense plus questions plus scoldings.
thanx fio for being an accomplice with kiddo to plan this together.
thou u didnt turn up, we will meet up soon.
for now, just rest well yar =)
thanx kiddo for all the effort u went thru to contact fio n sw to give me this surprise.
for every single thing u did for me, thanx =).
my second surprise frm fio n sw.
thanx guys. u guys spoil me too much.

i shall enter the big 2 with open arms.
here janice comes! *runs with arms open wide

2007-08-12T08:23:00.000+08:00

12th august 2007.
damn. i have officially hit the big 2 today.
anyway, just wanna wish 2 ppl over here first.
happy 21st birthday edmund!!
hope u did enjoy urself yesterday.
and once again thanx for the bdae present =).
happy 20th birthday angel!!
first time i knew a person who's bdae fall on the same day as me.
enjoy urself today yar =).

updates on yesterday.
went to a place with enst3 whereby non of us will ever go at all.
we went to seletar camp!
went there to give sindy a surprise as she's working there.
the camp is seriously ulu with all those abandoned houses.
got lost in there which looking for singapore youth flying club.
but in the midst of searching, we chance upon aircrafts.
the 5 of us got damn excited and just park the car somewhere near the crafts and went down to take pictures.
was snapping away with wen's camera.
but damn, i didnt manage to sit on the craft wing's like i wanted to.
cause the security guard came and said no photography.
just tt we took a lot already. wahaha.
ask him for directions and manage to find sindy's workplace.
the thing tt surprise all of us is tt the ulu place actually gt a lot of ppl go there to eat.
weird sia. plus still need to make reservation.
in the end we ended on a table which seems to be meant for meeting.
ate, cut cake n off we went.
seems pretty fast but we waited for sindy to come to our table for a long time.
she was just too busy to leave her work for awhile.

ser drop kai, hui n me at town (thanx for it ser!)
then tt's where we went seperate ways.
i went to meet pf peeps while the 2 of them went to catch a movie.
by the time i reach vil'age, they were finishing off their desert.
ppl present were: sa, manda, angel, nana, ardi, kenneth, kai, mike, terrence, david.
hopefully i didnt miss anyone out.
played 5, 10, 15 as one big group just to finish on muffin.
cause all of them damn full le.
head to balcony to chill after tt.
first time there n all i can say about the place is tt it is freaking HOT!!
cant they like make the place air-conditioned.
didnt want to drink at all.
but kana forced to drink all due to tt idiot mike.
made me play 5, 10, 15 with him.
was so tired after one long day le.
so kept loosing to him.
in the end just have to keep drinking.
thank god they didnt order a lot to drink.
after tt was home sweet home.
oh yar.
thanx manda for the sunflower =)!!

kiddo, thanx for the surprise =).
thou it was just for less than an hour.
*loves

2007-08-10T19:10:00.000+08:00

countdown: 2 more days.
clubbing session with the co peeps was fun.
thou the crowd tt night wasnt very friendly, i hope the rest enjoyed themselves as much as i did.
the after effect of clubbing is seriously bad.
club till phuture close and then home.
didnt slp for more than 6hrs tt day.
then out i went again on national day.
tiring arh!
but i enjoyed my this public holiday.
thanx girls for the fun.
thanx for the present.
thanx for making the clubbing wish come true.
next two days will be more going out with different click of ppl.
finally some catching up during such meet ups =).

damn i m gonna hit the big 2 already.
sheesh.

2007-08-07T18:59:00.000+08:00

collected my report and everything seems fine with my body as seen on the report.
but i feel otherwise.
whatever it is, this is still a piece of good news.
anyway, just tender my resignation letter today.
bye bye to little footprints school and hello to brighton montessori.
a decision tt i myself made.
maybe a rash one but all i can say is no more turning back.
'sold' myself to brighton montessori for a year le.
stop asking me why do i have to leave.
there are just too many reasons.
too many reasons to say and tell.
and there are also things tt are pulling me back to stay.
those children of mine.
it seems as if i m abandoning them like tt.
i love them. love them so much.
i hate separation, yet i m the one who initiated it.
cruel aint i?
they will remember me wont they?
cause i will miss them. miss them badly.
days are drawing nearer, yet i aint getting happier as the day pass.

maybe something to be happy abt is tt tml will be clubbing day!
finally after so long.
will i get myself drunk?
to be happy for at least a few hours.
*ponders

2007-08-06T22:55:00.000+08:00

playing it over and over again.
listening to the lyrics over and over again.
looking at the words one at a time.
and i can feel myself breaking a little more inside each time.
something's got into my little brain.
and it aint coming out any soon.
all i can do is to assure myself tt all this shit will pass when next week comes.
it will be over by then and i will return back to normal.

Avril Lavigne - Innocence

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life
and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things
that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[ Chorus ]
This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life
and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[ Chorus ]

It's a state of bliss, you
think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's a state of bliss, you
think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliant
Makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliant
Please don't go away
Cus I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

i aint looking forward to my brithday any longer.

2007-08-05T21:59:00.000+08:00

my body is a little screwed up right now.
might be due to not enough rest.
might be due to all the thoughts tt are on my mind at night.
oh wells. body seems to be rejecting food nowadays.
not much appetite to eat at all.
but will force myself to finish my meal.
after tt will force myself to keep those food in me.
cause now it seems tt i will puke out the things i eat.
not tt i want to but it keep getting churned in tt tummy of mine.
after tt it wld just be forced out.
so yup, trying ways n methods to keep them in my tummy.
anyway, rashes are getting better.
after taking the medication n applying them, it is less itchy.
plus now it aint as red as it is.
hopefully it will quickly recover.
i dont want to keep thinking of ways to cover it.
cause it seriously look disgusting in my opinion.

shall wait for my body check up report to come in.
two more days to knowing my body better.
hopefully it shows tt i m totally fine n ok.
whatever tiredness and restlessness tt i feel are just the brain tt is playing tricks.
tml will be another hectic day.
just looking forward to september.
maybe by then things might change for the better.
august is just so not my month.

2007-08-05T07:57:00.000+08:00

I HATE THE RASHES.
or maybe it is the moodswing.
it is getting me so irritated.
i want to be rash free!!!
i dont like waking up frm slp n feeling so restless.
it sucks totally.
all the discomfort pls leave me.

one more week and i m no longer a teen.
how will this year's bdae be like?
no mood to think abt it.
cause the rash seems to be always on my mind.
I DONT WANT IT TO BE PRESENT ON MY BDAE!
*sobs

2007-08-04T22:14:00.000+08:00

maybe.
maybe.
maybe.
i m just a little upset.
shall let it get into me for today only.
by tml everything will be forgotten.

2007-08-04T07:30:00.001+08:00

updates on my rash.
nope. it aint getting better.
i dun like the rash at all!
freaking itchy yet u cant scratch.
cause when i scratch it, it just get worst.
on top of tt i think it is the rash tt is causing a lot of things.
first wld be body aches.
next would be sudden pains in the heart.
not sure what cause the rash, but it is making me feel freaking weak!
shall post some pics of the rash.

the little irritating dots on my right arm

close up picture of it.

i think it still looks damn disgusting in real life.
looks as if i m someone who contacted dunno what disease.
today will be going frm one doc to another doc i suppose.
sians. i hate to see doctors!!
anyway will be going for interview later. all the best to me!
hopefully this time round things will turn for the better.

who want to share and buy these tops with me?

the person is selling 2 for $3o with free postage.
after looking at the characters tt they have for so long, i only like the little miss sunshine.
so if there is anyone who wanna buy this type of top pls tell me.
so we can like 'share' and purchase it =)
if not i shall just buy it on my own. wahaha.
they are just too cute to resist.

2007-08-02T22:53:00.000+08:00

august just dont seem to be my mth at all.
ever since yesterday, i dont seem to be smiling much.
can i dont celebrate my bdae this year?
right now nothing seems to be going smoothly.
guess the thing tt is on my mind most is work ba.
having some probs at work and seriously hoping tt can solve it soon.
not enough rest plus all the thinking gets me seriously tired.
appetite is getting frm bad to worst.
not too sure the reason why.
eating lesser and lesser as the days past.
this saturday will go for check up.
hopefully i wont fall sick last minute n cant go again.
wondering whether the body check up will let me know my body better a not.
anyway, i seem to have very bad rash right now.
dunno whether it is rash a not.
seems like but the rash only appear on my right arm.
mum say it seems like i kana bitten by dunno what insect.
maybe ba. not too sure too.
anyway, my right arm is pretty swollen, very red plus very hot at this moment.
applying aloe vera gel helps to stop the itch.
but wondering whether it will go off by tml not.
damn sian. the sight of it makes my whole body itch.

playing this song over and over again.
kinda like the song and the lyrics.

Rihanna - Cry
I’m not the type to get my heart broken
I’m not the type to get upset and cry
Coz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don’t get deep to me
Never get the whole in love thing
If someone could say love me truly
But at the time it didn’t mean a thing

Prehook:
My mind is gone
I’m spinnin’ around
And deep inside
My tears I’ll drown
I’m losing grip
What’s happening?
I stray from love
This is how I feel

Chorus:
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And they cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I’m in this condition
And I’ve got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?
coz its hurting me to let it go
maybe coz we spent so much time
and I know that it’s no more
I should have never let u hold me baby
Maybe why I’m so sad to see us apart
I didn’t give it to u on purpose
Gotta figure out how u stole my heart

Prehook:
My mind is gone
I’m spinnin’ around
And deep inside
My tears I’ll drown
I’m losing grip
What’s happening?
I stray from love
This is how I feel

Chorus:
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And they cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I’m in this condition
And I’ve got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

How did I get here with you?
I’ll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do
To stay away from love with you
I’m broken-hearted
I can’t let you know
And I Won’t Let It Show
You won’t see me cry

Chorus x3:
This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And they cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I’m in this condition
And I’ve got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

Now I’m in this condition
And I’ve got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

All my life

can feel the body crumbling into pieces.
picking them up bit by bit.
piecing them together hoping that i will be well at the end of the day.
nt too sure what's gt into me.
maybe due to work.
maybe due to tiredness.
i m just nt as cheerful now.

2007-08-01T20:25:00.000+08:00

some thoughts are seriously a killer.
all i can say is today is just nt my day.
nthing goes well and all information given to me sux to the core.
workplace have lots of changes.
and yes, i dont like those changes to the max.
voicing out might nt help.
instead it might bring about unhappiness.
yet i still feel tt it aint my fault to voice it out too.
y shld i stand such stuffs when i said it very clear before i stepped in?
if u want a fair play, shld the principal do something to it during interviews?
i dont see y in the end it is we employees fault.
and we still have to tolerate all these stuffs.

bottom line: just dont bug me right now.
guess i m able to settle all these only tml.
hopefully i will be able to get what i deserved.

[update]
ooo. i think i was tag by angie and i didnt notice.
so here goes.

1. I like to - be on a swing all by myself on a starry night

2. I am allowed - to smile, laugh, cry, be upset, be angry in front of my children.

3. My favourite part of my body is - my fingers

4. If i could fix one part of my body - i m happy with who i m and what i m.

5. I hate - living in such a materialistic world

6. If I could date a female celebrity, I would date - i have no intentions to date them

7. If i could date a male celebrity, it’s - i have no intentions to date them

8. I’m attracted to - children between the age of zero to 6

9. I hate it - when time n time again u find out tt ppl closest to ur heart doesnt know u at all.

10. I prefer to sleep - with bolster and all the soft toys on my bed

2007-08-01T07:22:00.000+08:00

the month of august is here once more.
which means i m getting older soon.
damn it. no longer a teen anymore.
shall cherish these few days a little bit more.
anyway, i m suppose to blog an entry on my current wish list.
can help dear ling with buying my present.
hopefully this will help and u wont shang nao jing.
plus i m providing u pictures to go along with!

1. tops

- kimono top

anything similar to this will do.

- tee shirts

design like this plus a little hood at the back.
just totally plain will do.

- blouse

i cant seem to find the design tt i want and tt i saw.
walk into future state in seiyu at bugis and hopefully the top tt i want is still in there.
very feminine blouse with ribbons for u to tie at the back.

2. bag

similar to this pattern.
colour wise i m looking for light brown.
size of the bag would be smaller than A4 size.
most importantly the bag have to have a sling for me to sling it over my shoulder to carry.
the texture of the bag ought to be anything other than cotton.

3. earrings!
the best would be a plain belly ring to be my earring.
one of it will do.
in need of earrings cause i keep spoiling my earrings or lost it.
opps.

wish list are still wish list.
but at the end of the day, hanging out with friends to do something together would just be the best gift le.
cause i know how tough it is to meet up.
anyway, clubbing session on the eve of national day!!
cant wait =)
first time with the co peeps. yeah!
thanx girls for letting my far fetch dream come true =)